God's will

How do we even know what the will of God is anyway? Sure, we can feel a sense of peace. We can feel discontent. We can know for certain that some things are against God's will just because it contradicts commands that have been given in the Bible. But when people get involved, which we are most of the time, we screw up the will of God like crazy. We can feel a false sense of peace or a false discontent. As Phillip said, "People are wildcards." We pray for God's will to be done and then assume that it will be just because we prayed it. And then we assume that if something weird or flat out bad happens, it must have been God's will because that's what we prayed for. When all the while, the very people who are praying that God's will be done are the ones keeping it from being so. Can God ultimately do anything he wants to? Of course. But we have free will to make terrible and wacky decisions all day long and then turn around and claim the outcome was desired by God. I've done it. You've done it. Just the phrase, "It wasn't in God's will" really gets to me. Who are we to claim that we know the will of the Almighty God of this universe? The more I learn about God, the more I realize I can't figure Him out. How does He put up with us anyway?

Pete, are you a Mormon?

I am shopping for clothing for Pete (Jack's bear) for Christmas on the Build A Bear Website. And lo and behold I came across a Mormon outfit complete with the Book of Mormon. No, I am NOT joking. Here's a picture and the caption. Check it out. For a mere $12.00, we can turn Pete into a Mormon. Notice in the caption below, there is a play Book of Mormon. Doesn't that sound like such fun?


Outfit includes white oxford shirt with
attached black tie and name badge, black
pants and play The Book of Mormon.

The Zoo and Long-haired Rebels

I haven't written in quite a while. I just haven't had anything I felt was relevant enough to write about. Not that much of what I write is terribly relevant anyway. But if I'm going to bother having this blog I need to write more than once a week.

So anyway, we went to the Houston Zoo on Tuesday. The weather was pretty nice and we had a good time and spent too much money. We brought our stroller for Jackson and he looked ridiculous in it. He's huge. But it's a good thing we brought it because we had to strap his little rear in it a few times just to keep him from running off. I was standing next to some cow in the children's zoo area and the thing must have peed for a minute straight. It was crazy.

While we were there I think I might have accidentally offended a group of Pentecostal women. Or maybe I just offended one of them. I don't know. She said (rather loud and in my direction), "That woman better stop giving me dirty looks and shaking her head at me. We're about to have words." I don't recall shaking my head at her or giving her dirty looks. But who knows. I probably did look at them a little funny. Two of the women that were with them had the long pulled back hair but they were wearing jeans. And I was just a little confused. I was probably thinking, "Have they fallen astray? Are they rebels? Maybe they're part of a more contemporary sect." Maybe my confusion looked like contempt. Either way, I was probably being rude. Oh well, I could have taken her if I had to.

Well, here's some pictures from our day at the zoo. I didn't get any pictures of my Pentecostal friends.

Adoption Workshop Part 2

Ok, so some of you have asked if the workshop was good and what we thought about it and stuff. It was really good. We are both very glad that we went. We learned a lot of good information about the adoption process. We both left feeling like we just wanted to get several kids from various Countries. But we are trying to act on what God wants us to do rather than raw emotion.

We learned about funding an adoption. Adopting from Korea and China is a cost of about $15,000. But there are financial assistance options available. They told us to think of the money as a ransom rather than a cost or a price. I thought that was a great way to think about it. They also talked about how adoption is evalgalism at its core, which I had never thought about before. If these children are not brought into loving, Christian homes they may never hear the truth about Jesus Christ. Phillip wrote in his blog what he thought about the whole thing too if you want to read that.

We went hoping to gain information that we or someone else could use. We left with an overwhelming burden that there is a child or will be a child that needs us. It will be neat to see what happens over the next year or two in our lives. By the way, thanks for praying.

Adoption Workshop

Phillip and I are going to this workshop on Saturday. We are still kind of unsure of the direction that we need to go. We want to have high hopes for our future family but it is difficult for us to think positively. We hope to gain useful information at this workshop. We both think that adoption may be a very real part of our future some day. If you think about it, please pray for us and the other couples that will be there that day. Many people who consider adoption have had many years of pain that lead them to that decision. We will be in a room filled with pain and hope. Thanks.

Impeccable Taste

I pretty much trust Phillip's opinion when it comes to music. He has not steered me wrong yet. He has turned me on to such artists as Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Radiohead, Coldplay, Beck, Miles Davis, and many, many others. (You may sense that there is a BIG BUT coming.) But....he's gotten a few CDs lately that I'm seriously not too sure about. One of the CDs he gotten recently is some weirdo Icelandic, no-word, Enya sounding music. Really, I can't believe he likes it. I'm trying to give it a chance because, like I said, I trust his musical taste. But I'm wondering if he's slipping. I mean you can't have 100% impeccable taste in something, can you? I think he's trying to broaden his horizons or something. Maybe I'll end up liking it. Who knows. I have ended up liking The White Stripes and The Flaming Lips and they're pretty weird.

Nuns and Ponies...Told ya

On our little shopping trip this weekend, somehow the subject of miniature ponies came up. And I said something about a "nun farm" that raised miniature ponies. Mary Margaret did not believe that there is such a place. Well, Mary, here you go.

Monastery Miniature Horses

Here's a picture!

Shopping Trip

Friday morning I'll be going to San Marcos with Kristin Hederson, Mary Margaret Mitterling, and Kim Piland. We're going on a shopping trip to some huge outlet mall thing. I've never been there before but they tell me it's pretty cool. I'm not a pro shopper like they probably are. I'll probably be finding a bench to hang out on here and there. But it will be fun. I hope we find a couple of really good places to eat. We'll be coming back Saturday. I've never really gone away with "the girls" before. I need to find a cheasy Christmas present for Phillip. It should be fun. I could use a little time away.

Roots

Do not judge me by the color of my roots. Yes, my roots may be darker than the rest of my hair. And yes, I am aware that people may notice the color of my roots. I have made a decision not to further damage the integrity of my roots by telling them they need to be a lighter color. I will NOT be isolated, manipulated, degradated, annihilated, deprivated, or arbitrated because of my root color. My roots are beautiful.

My Holy Discontent

This week Greg talked about “Holy Discontent” (h.d. from this point on), which is like a restlessness about something that you feel should change, or be improved upon, something that kind of nags at your heart and you can’t seem to get it too far out of your mind. Not just some selfish desire, or worry, but something put in us by God. We all have different h.ds.

I have known what mine is for some time now, I just didn’t exactly know what to call it.

Very specifically, my h.d. is knowing that there are women out there right now in my community and probably even in my church who are going through terrifying, high-risk pregnancies and/or pregnancy loss....completely alone or unsupported.

I wish I knew who they were. I wish I could cry and pray with them. I wish I could go to the hospital with them and sit in the waiting room with them while they find out if they are indeed going to loose their babies. I wish I could pull them out of bed and make them put on some lipstick and go shopping. I wish...I wish...I wish.

In more general terms, my h.d. is knowing that there are all kinds of people out there right now in my community and my church going through various kinds of life traumas....completely alone or unsupported.

If I feel this passionately about being there for women in similar situations that I’ve been through, I know there are other people out there who would love to be given the opportunity to support others who are going through things that they have dealt with. Cancer, divorce, sexual abuse, loss of a parent, loss of a spouse, other things I can’t even think of.

I don’t know Cancer. I can’t do much for someone who does, except pray and listen. But I know what I know and I would drop just about anything in a heartbeat if I was needed to help a woman in that kind of crisis.

Does our church need some kind of network of trusted, Godly people to be called upon when needed if a certain kind of situation arises? Do we need to take a “bone marrow” approach by asking people to be willing to donate their time and love if a match is made? I don’t know what needs to be done. All I know is that somewhere right now a woman is facing the loss of her child and she needs me, or someone like me, and I’m not there because I don’t know who she is.

And that breaks my heart.

The way I think about this whole h.d. thing is like a dog in a hot car with the windows rolled up. At first the dog will just be a little uncomfortable, then he’ll start to get nervous. Then he’ll start to panic. And for those few minutes that dog will fight harder to get out of that car than he has fought for anything in his life. And then he will get weak. He will begin to die.

I’m afraid my h.d. is starting to get weak. It was very strong right after we lost Evan. It feels strong now as I type this. But it does not consume me the way it once did.

Maybe that’s a good thing and maybe it’s not. I don’t want that dog to die.

Mealtime at the Hintze House

For the most part, Jackson is a very easy child. He's fairly obedient, not terribly rowdy, very affectionate and funny....I could go on and on.

But, mealtime is challenging, to say the least. He has never really been a good eater, so this is nothing new. When he was 2 or so, he would take bites of stuff and leave it in his mouth for hours if we didn't let him spit it out. He has almost stopped doing that.

Breakfast is easy because I just shovel oatmeal into his mouth while he sits on the couch watching Sesame Street. He eats oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast. I don't think he ever eats his snack at Preschool, which is two mornings a week. My mom keeps him Monday and Wednesday mornings at our house and I think she pretty much follows him around the house with a fork or spoon or whatever and just gives him bites of whatever while he plays. And on Fridays, he stays with Phillip's parents. I'm not really sure how they get him to eat. They probably bribe him with candy or something, which is fine. Whatever it takes as far as I'm concerned.

So when I come home from work it's usually lunch time, unless my mom already fed him (literally). It usually takes an hour (no joke) to get him to eat enough of his lunch to satisfy me. Our lunch routine sounds something like this.

M: Jackson, pick up your fork and take a bite.
J: But, I want a drink of juice first.
M: Jackson!! What did I just tell you to do.
M: Jackson, chew up your food.
J: I AM chewing!
M: Get another bite.
M: Put that toy down and eat.
M: Jackson, do I need to turn the T.V. off??
M: You can't have a treat if you don't eat your lunch.
J: Why are you so grumpy?

I could go on and on. It drives me nuts. I know I have helped to create this monster. I know what I'm doing is not working. Some days he barely eats enough to sustain life, let alone grow. I don't know why or how he's a head taller than most other kids his age.

Tonight I made a taco pie, which pretty much consists of meat, cheese, and bread. Jackson basically refused to eat it at all. He said, "I'm not eating that." I gave him one bite and he told me that if I gave him another bite of it he wouldn't chew it up. So I told him to go play, but he couldn't have any gummies or other treats. He was totally fine with that.

People have told me that if he's hungry enough, he'll eat. And that we shouldn't make a big deal out of meal time. "If he eats, great. If not, no big deal." "Making a big deal out of meal time can cause eating disorders." Eating disorders?? I know some of that reasoning makes sense....but I just CAN'T do it. I guess it's because he's the only kid we have to mess with, but I will drive myself and him and Phillip crazy trying to get him to eat. I really, honestly believe that he would be just fine with eating a piece of lunch meat once a day...and that's it. I know one day he will eat us out of house and home.

Just a side note sort of along these lines. Three years olds are annoying little creatures.

Wanted: SNL video clip

I'm helping Mary Margaret with a ministry leader meeting on Sunday and I'm trying to find a clip to use at the meeting. I am having NO luck. It's a clip from a Saturday Night Live episode with Chris Kattan playing his character "Suel Forrester." It's the one where the guy is the coach and you can't understand half of what he's saying. It would be cool to use in our meeting....and it driving me CRAZY that I can't find it anywhere! Can anyone out there help me?? There has to be a way to get it.

"Make my hair short"

Phillip cut Jack's hair tonight. It was looking pretty bad. We were thinking we would let it grow and just see what it would look like kind of long. Well, he looked homeless. We asked him tonight if he wanted his hair long or short and he said he wanted it to be short.

He looks much more respectable now.

Clock trouble

My dang clock doesn't even keep the right time! That clock has been more trouble than it's worth! But I'm going to keep it anyway.

It's Over

My singing commitments for this weekend are finally over....(sigh of relief). And gee, let's see, I only averaged about 1.5 very noticeable entrance/lyrical mistakes per service. That's about 6 or so for the entire weekend!! Complete success, I would say. Ok, scarcasm really doesn't come across over typed word. Anyway, it was fun, but I'm glad it's over.

Worship Leading??

I'm kind of leading worship at BPF this weekend because Kristin is out of town. I'm glad to have the opportunity to do it but it's pretty stressful. The Saturday night service went pretty good considering we were messing up like crazy in sound check and Phillip broke a string and I didn't know about a video I was supposed to leave room for.

Phillip and I picked the music and we chose some things that had not been done in a while...a long while. And in hindsight, I realize that we probably should have chosen a couple that were a bit more familiar to the band. I didn't realize it until practice Thursday that Maury had never even played acoustic on any of these before. Oops, sorry Maury. The BPF band is made up of stellar musicians, but it's not too cool to dump a ton of new stuff on them in one week.

Anyway, we have two services tomorrow to do and a ladies' Christmas shindig to sing for tomorrow afternoon. This has been fun and all but I think after this weekend is over, I'll have gotten my singing fix and be content to sit back and chill for a while. Being able to sing and being able to effectively lead a group of people in worship are two very different things. And I'm just not sure if I'm cut out for the latter.

Superman, Then and Now

Jackson saw a picture of himself at 1 1/2 in a Superman costume and asked if we still had the costume. I got it out to show him and he wanted to put it on. So we let him put it on and he wore it for about 4 hours...straight. He even wore it up to the high school with Phillip to grab our camera. Needless to say, it is WAY too small.

After Jack put the costume on, he asked Phillip what Superman says. And Phillip told him that Superman says, "I'm a big dork!" So for the next few hours Jackson ran around the house jumping off of stuff yelling, "I'm a big dork! I'm Superman!"




Well, Superman, you certainly are a dork.

Internet Explorer

Ever since I put that enormous clock on my blog it looks like garbage if you view it in Internet Explorer. Why is that? Can I fix it without having to take out my clock? I like my clock. You have to scroll all the way down to be able to see my links and stuff.

Watch Out for Hurricane Wilma

My brother sent this to me today. I thought it was kind of funny.