This evening we went to Phillip’s parent’s house for a little while. While we were there, we got to talking about funerals and how we would want our funerals to be and that kind of thing. Donald, Phillip’s dad, preached two funerals today and that’s kind of what brought the topic up. Anyway, Donald had some pretty funny things to say about how he wants his funeral to be. First of all, he wants to preach his own funeral because he’s pretty sure that nobody else could do as good of a job. I guess that would mean recording himself doing his own eulogy. I just think the idea of that is so funny. But he said that he would have to redo it every few years just to keep it current. Also, he doesn’t want to be laid in a casket. He wants to be stood upright in front of everybody. That’s just gross. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen.
Somewhat along the same lines, several years ago Phillip and I came up with a great idea for a funeral home business. The slogan would be “We put the FUN in funeral.” And we could offer clown makeup for the deceased and have jugglers or whatever. Maybe instead of a hearse we could try to cram the casket into a VW Beetle. Most funerals are just too dang somber. I think in our original conversation about this, one of us said, “We could make a killin’.” Ok, that’s just tacky.
So, I’ve been thinking this evening about what I would want my funeral to look like. I’m not planning on going belly up any time soon, but it’s something worth thinking about. Now keep in mind, this is the 28 year old me saying all of this. When I’m 85 I may not feel the same way about some of this stuff. First of all, it must be casual. No stuffy suits or panty hose. And I’m debating about whether or not I would want to be cremated. I found out this evening that a plot at Restwood is about $4,000.00 and that’s just ridiculous. Out of principle, I just don’t think I would want them to get that much money to bury me in the ground. But whatever, if my family wants to blow the life insurance, who am I to stop them? But I really think an open casket would be a bad idea. I’m extremely pale while alive and I just can’t imagine how ghastly I would look without any blood running through my veins. But again, I guess that would be up to my family. I’m not going to be looking at me. Maybe some people could tell some stories about some funny things I have done or said over the years. I was trying to think about what kind of music I would want and I’m still not real sure about that. I’m think maybe The Mambo King sound track at the beginning while everyone is coming in and finding their seats. And I think the Veggie Tales hit, “His Cheeseburger” would be a good one as people are leaving. No real reason why. Just to make them wonder, that’s all. So, anyway, that’s about all I’ve got right now.
Seriously, though, I hope to live until I’m an old woman. But not old enough to be incontinent and senile. I hope I die before that happens. I hope I live long enough to meet my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope I live long enough for hours and hours worth of stories.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
I'm going to be cremated no matter what. There's no sense in my lifeless body taking up so much space in the ground. I'm an organ donor, so it's not like anything important will be left anyway to bury, just skin and bones. And I don't want anyone to cry at my service (if there is one) either--I want them to be smiling knowing that I'm up in Heaven baking and eating homemade buttermilk pies with my Granny and fishing with my Grandpa. My children can decide what to do with my ashes. I would definitely like my birth and death recorded somewhere in the family for genealogical purposes--Somebody in the future might want to trace their family tree and want to know who I was as their ancestor.
I'd like to be packed full of match heads and blown to smithereens. I don't think would go for that, so I'll leave it out of my will.
I'd also like to be launched into space and detonated in zero g.
Oops, that sentence should read "I don't think Karen would go for that"...
I remember Daddy always answered the phone at Granny and Granddad's house with, "Aguillard Funeral Home--you kill 'em, we chill 'em!" And I have to say that the only one who could do Uncle Donald justice at his own funeral IS Uncle Donald!! ;)
Man, I like the matchhead idea for Maury. I can think of a few people who might like the chance of loading him up, one match head at a time. ;)
The humorous part of this is that I recorded a joke commercial when I worked at a radio morning show in college for "Himmen Herse" and used the "we put the 'fun' in funerals" slogan.
I like the idea of being stood up at the funeral though. I like the idea of being dressed as Superman and suspended in his "flying" pose better though.
I think I'd like the "Mahna Mahna" song played at my funeral. Or Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." It's a terrible song, but the tune is so bright and cheery...
Hmm...we'll have to compare lists of people who want me dead. I can think of 4 people, at least, right off the top of my head (and that's not including their mothers, fathers, siblings, or best friends).
Post a Comment