How do you know when you should speak up about something or just keep your mouth shut? How do you know if what you think is even important enough to be heard by other people? If people ask you for your opinion, does that really mean they want it....even if it's totally not what they want to hear?
For the most part, I just say what I think. Usually I try to rephrase the thoughts before they come out of my mouth into something a little more "user friendly." I do care what people think about me, just not enough to always agree with them. More than caring what they think about me, I just don't like to offend people or hurt their feelings. But sometimes that can't be avoided. I don't really like confrontation but I see the value in it.
I really hate the moment of being faced with a decision to say what it is I'm thinking or keep it to myself. And then so many times, the moment is gone and I wish I had said whatever it was.
My sister told me once that she would rather regret saying something than regret not saying it. I'm just not sure about that.
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7 comments:
By and large, I agree with your sister.
I think too often, we (in this day and age) are so worried about not offending someone, so worried about coddling, so worried about "hurting" someone, that we're losing touch with reality.
I have no idea what the situation is you're talking about, so let's use photography as an example, since we both like it...
Let's say I go on and on and on about my plans to start freelancing, go pro, open a studio, and all that — but I totally suck at taking pictures. You know how much I love the hobby, how much time I spend doing my hobby, but you also know that there's no way in Hades I'd be successful. What do you do? As a friend, do you sit back and watch me invest my time, energy, and money into something that just won't happen, all because you don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me I stink like a monkey at picture taking?
Or, as a friend, do you bite the bullet and say "look, man, I know you love doing this, but you may want to consider the fact..."?
I may get ticked off, there may be a tear in the friendship for a while, but if I can look back in a few months and be glad you said what you said, it's all good. Hopefully, you'd be glad you said it, too, because you'd never have to regret letting me fall on my face and suffer the greater disappointment of failure.
It's just wisdom: knowing when to say something because it could be for the "greater good," while knowing your opinion may not be popular.
The existentialist in me says to speak your mind, making sure to support your claim/opinion with reason. This will keep your conscience clear. If you're wrong, then you apologize — and if the people in the situation are mature enough, they'll accept the apology and all will be well. If not, that's their problem.
Lastly, as my good ol' Dad always says: "They'll get happy in the same pants they got mad in."
Mind you, this is coming from someone who has no qualms about offending mass groups of people if I think I need to spout an opinion...
Crap, that's long. Sorry about that!
Are you saying that I suck at taking pictures?
Of course not -- you shoot great pics. The photo thing was my second analogy choice (you can probably guess the first one).
Maybe I should have said we were both brick layers or something?
I was just kidding about the picture thing. Come on. And isn't "laying a brick" one of your poop terms?
Yeah, I know. And no, laying cable was one of my poop things, though I think I got that from Dave. I think I may have said "toss a brick" before...
And be sure to check out my comments on your Jack pic post.
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