Eternity and the existance in it isn't a concept I can really wrap my brain around. It makes me grin to think that my tiny babies who never knew life on this earth have an understanding of eternity and who we are in it that even the greatest Biblical scholars do not have. All the great truths and mysteries we long to understand but cannot are known by my babies. Will they be babies forever? I don't really think so. I believe they exist in a perfection I cannot even begin to understand as long as I live on this earth. When I die, will we meet? If we do meet, will they know me as Mommy? In my limited earthly brain I would love to believe that when I die and move on into eternity I will have all of forever to cuddle and rock my babies. But I really don't think our focus in Heaven is to reconnect with those that have gone before us. Our focus will be on praising and honoring our Creator in ways that we never could on earth. It would be selfish of me to wish my babies would forever be limited by being stuck in infancy. I don't know how things will be in Heaven...but they do.
My babies were not conceived to die. That is how it seems, even to me sometimes. They were created for the same purpose that we all were. To be God's kids, to be enveloped in the love of the Creator that gave them life. To be adored and doted over by the Master of everything. Through the last year and a half I have felt robbed, cheated, ripped off, and defeated. But these babies were never mine to hold onto in the first place. They were created out of love to love and be loved for all eternity. They have been given life...not death.
Some day I will understand things as they do. But until then I will trust that God is sovereign, He is on His throne, He has not forsaken me, and He desires and deserves my love.
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2 comments:
Jenny, Mark & I are truly sorry for your loss. It's amazing that God can provide you with such strength & wisdom in the middle of this pain.
We will be back in Lake Jackson on July 7th. Hopefully we can see y'all this summer sometime.
You, Phillip & Jackson remain in our prayers & thoughts.
Jenny, you have the understanding that can only come from a mother who has lost her child. I am praying for you and your family. I know personally that God gives us the strength to keep going and that tho is it hard, He keeps us in His arms. Know that you are special and loved and that you are all being prayed for. God bless you and should you need a shoulder, though I'm sure you've been offered plenty, I am here.
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