Fantasy Shopping Spree

Ok, ladies, have you heard of Fantasy Football? Well, from what I understand, guys get together and “draft” various NFL players that they would like to put on a dream team. Then throughout the season they keep track of the stats from each player and somehow determine which team “wins” based on the team’s combined stats...or something like that. What do they win? I guess some play for money but some just play for the glory of saying they won something. Sounds fun, huh?

Well, I have come up with an idea for an equally pointless and stereotypical pastime for women. I call it Fantasy Shopping Spree. This is how it works.

Keep in mind we are not actually buying anything at all.

First of all we have to make a list of our “dream wardrobe” or “dream shopping spree.” We obviously cannot shop for an entire fake new wardrobe because that would take way too much time and effort. For consistency, we all must have the same basic framework to our list. Our list will include 16 items. The list should include:

· 2 pairs of slacks
· 1 skirt
· 3 blouses or tops (whatever you want to call them)
· 1 dress
· 2 pairs of jeans
· 3 pairs of shoes (casual or dress, your choice)
· 2 bags
· 2 jewelry items

Make up and hair accessories are not included in this particular shopping experience. I do not consider those things to be part of a wardrobe and since I am making up the game, what I say goes.

Ok, so this is what we do. At the beginning of a season, i.e., fall, winter, etc., we get together and decide on particular items to fill our lists. But you must do your research prior to the “draft.” This is where it gets a little tricky. Pick specific items according to brand and store location. You must pick items that are regularly priced at the beginning of the season. No one person can choose the exact same item, even if they are different sizes.

The object of our little game is to track the prices of our specific items once a week to see if the average price at the end of the season is lower than the price it started out to be. So you want to pick stores that often put things on sale. The price range of the clothing doesn’t really matter because we are tracking the price decrease and it will be a percentage at the end. Your clothes can be chosen from various stores.

This is an example of how you determine the “stat” for a particular piece of clothing. The original price of a pair of jeans is $45.00. The tracking of those jeans once per week for 12 weeks leads to an average price of $32.00 (each weekly price divided by 12). We would then divide 32 by 45 to get approximately .71. The lower the price, the lower the percentage. At the end of our fake shopping season, we would have a percentage for each item of clothing on our list. We will then add up all our percents and divide that by the total number of items on our list, in our case, 16 items. The person with the lowest percentage at the end is the winner!

The winner doesn’t win anything at all.

Thoughts on Job and his life

After Job lost all of his children, his crops, his livestock, had been afflicted with a bad skin condition, and has had people including his wife telling him it must be his fault, he is feeling pretty dang low. I would say that is quite understandable. In chapter 30 he is hopeless because of his situation.

“And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me. Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest. In his great power God becomes like clothing to me; he binds me like the neck of my garment. He throws me into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes. I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me. You snatch me up and drive me before the wind; you toss me about in the storm. I know you will bring me down to death, to the place appointed for all the living.” Job 30:16-23

Job really doesn’t get why he’s endured such suffering. Most of chapter 31 is Job reassuring himself and his “friend” that he has not done anything wrong to deserve his plight. I’m not sure if Job is claiming to be sinless or not. But he certainly seems to be making a case that “bad things” really shouldn’t happen to “good people.” After his buddy Elihu rambles on about this and that about how Job is not repentant, that he lacks insight, is rebellious, wicked, you know all the things that a caring friend should say to someone who has had their entire world ripped apart, God finally speaks to Job.

And he says in 38:2, “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?” That statement there tells me that those things that Job said before about God were not exactly true. But I believe that God wants us to be honest in the way we are feeling even if our views of Him at the time are not accurate. God then went on to ask Job many questions to help Job see His power and true character. 38-41 is full of questions that God throws at Job. There are way too many to list, but they are cool to read. I listed a few below. A top 10 list, if you will.

God says, “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you; and you shall answer me.” (38:3) Uh oh, is God telling him to get it together, to stop whining and act like a man? To suck it up, buddy, and hold on to your shorts, and let me tell you a thing or two. I don’t know. But that’s kind of what it sounds like to me.

From chapters 38- 40 of the book of Job
Questions that God asked of Job:

1. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations? (38:4)
2. Who marked off its dimensions? (38:5)
3. Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? (38:16)
4. Have the gates of death been shown to you? (38:17)
5. Does the rain have a father? (38:28)
6. From whose womb comes the ice? (38:29)
7. Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? (38:35)
8. Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? (39:1)
9. Will the wild ox consent to serve you? Will he stay by your manger at night? (39:9)
(I love that one, by the way.)
10. Does the eagle soar at your command and build his nest on high? (39:27)

After all this Job admits that he spoke of things that he did not understand, things too wonderful for him to know. (42:3) He realizes that his knowledge of God was so limited that he portrayed God in a light that was not true to God’s character. Job understand and accepts that he had heard of God but had never before really and truly seen God for who He is. (42:5) God revealed Himself to Job and Job repented. We know from the first chapter of the book of Job that he was blameless and upright, that he feared God and shunned evil. But it took having his world ripped apart to go from blameless and upright to knowledgeable of the true heart of God. God blessed Job and gave him twice what he had before.

Does that mean that if we are steadfast in our love for God, that He will restore twice what has been taken away? That at some point the tides will turn and our pain on this earth will be over? No way, but God will bless our lives in ways by giving us hope, joy, and love through the pain, by revealing more of Himself than we could ever have seen other wise. And I just have to think about Heaven when I think of all of Job’s possessions being restored to him. On this earth we won’t have every loss given back to us no matter how much we trust and serve God. That’s just not the way things work. But in Heaven, twice the abundance of what was lost on earth is an understatement. What we will receive there is not even imaginable.

Some people believe that the story of Job is kind of a parable or something. Like maybe the actual person didn’t really exist. I don’t know. I tend to think that the book is about a real guy. But I also think that it is an example of turning from our own abilities and good works and calling upon God to restore us to Him. And in turn, He gives us salvation. He gives us so much more than we ever could have accomplished or gained from our own hands.

And in the end, or the beginning, He gives us Heaven.

I hate stress!!!!

I am quite stressed out. And I don't like myself when I am in this state. First of all, I'm taking a situation that really doesn't have to do with me and making it about me. I hate that!! I should be a better person than that.

My mom is in terrible pain with her arm and she's going to have to have surgery. In the mean time, she can't work and can barely take care of herself. So, where does my mind go? I'll tell you. "What about me?!" "What am I going to do about my job?! So many people are helping her out and me out during this time. But am I grateful? I want to be, but mostly I'm just irritated. I'm irritated by the whole situation. And I have no good place to direct my irritation. It's not my mom's fault she broke her arm at my house keeping my kid. It's not Jackson's fault for chasing her through the house. It's not even my fault really for leaving the blowdryer on the floor (though I do feel guilty about that). I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be me-centered. The stress I feel about how this relates to my life is hendering me from being sensitive to my mom's needs. And what is being stressed out about stuff accomplishing anyway? Nothing! It is just clouding me from doing what has to be done.

This situation is temporary. My mom said today that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But, man, why are there so many dang tunnels? I'm getting sick of tunnels.

Brokenness

Yesterday my mom was keeping Jack at our house while I was at work. Her and Jackson were running through the house. I think he was chasing her or something. Anyway, she ran into the bathroom and slipped on my blowdryer that I keep on the floor by the sink. She fell and broke her arm! The break is up high near her shoulder and it can't be set. It's wrapped up and she's on pain meds. She's in a lot of pain. I guess she's just going to be like that until it heals. She lives alone and needs to work but can't right now. Please pray for her. Her name is Marilyn.

Jackson was really calm when it happened. He got her purse and got her cell phone out of it for her and got the phone book so she could call me. Little hero. Phillip said if he was a dog and did that we could sell the story to some t.v. show. Too bad he's a kid. He'd have to something more exceptional than that to make any money off of it.

Mere Christianity?

I have been slowly reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. (F.Y.I., this book was published in 1952.) Doesn't mere mean simple? I find that I can only read a chapter or two at a time before I have to put it away for a couple of days and digest it all. But anyway, I just finished the 6th chapter, which is on Christian Marriage. There are a couple of things in this chapter that I found particularly interesting.

He talks about how many people, even Christians, enter into marriage without intending to fully keep their vows. And that the promises made were just a “mere formality.” He says people want the “respectability that is attached to marriage without intending to pay the price.” He then goes on to say the thing that really caught me off guard, which is:

“If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make vows they do not mean to keep. It is true that by living together without marriage they will be guilty (in Christian eyes) of fornication. But one fault is not mended by adding another: unchastity is not improved by adding perjury.”

I believe that he is absolutely right, but this must have been a very controversial thing to say, especially in the 1950’s. I would be interested to find out how this book and/or the series of radio shows that the book came from went over with the audience at the time.

Another thing he discusses regarding Christian Marriage relates to the man being the “head of the household.”
He asks two questions:
1. Why should there be a head at all – why not equality?
2. Why should it be the man?

Regarding the first question, he basically believes that if a marriage is designed to be permanent, then there must be someone between the two parties that has the deciding vote. “If marriage is permanent, one or other party must, in the last resort, have the power of deciding the family policy.”

So, on to question two, why the man? Here I will kind of summarize, in my own words how he answers part of this question. Bossy, bull-headed women are generally not admired, even by other bossy bull-headed women. Husbands of these kinds of women are usually thought to be spineless wimps. How C.S. Lewis put it is, “There must be something unnatural about the rule of wives over husbands, because the wives themselves are half ashamed of it and despise the husbands whom they rule.” Also he believes that men are more likely to be just or gracious to people outside their family than women. As a woman, I can attest to this. If someone hurts my child, my home, or Phillip I am much more likely to overreact and be harder on someone than I should have been. For example, if a stranger in public curses in front of Jackson, Phillip would probably not say anything, or just remove Jackson from the situation and not make a scene. I, on the other hand, would and have looked someone in the eye and said, “Don’t you dare use that kind of language in front of MY child!” He believes a husband has the last word to “protect other people from the intense patriotism of the wife.”

I know this blog is pretty long and maybe a little (or a lot) boring. But this is just some stuff from the book that I really liked. I think it would be difficult to briefly discuss anything from this book. I’m only half way through it and it’s pretty crazy how much information is crammed into this little book. It’s like a vitamin. How’d they get all those nutrients into that little pill? Anyway, thanks for reading. Any comments or discussion on any of this stuff would be most welcome.

You have been "berserved"

Jackson makes up words. He has made up such words as teg, belgicks, malgy, inanorable, shapulous, and visipulous.

His recent invention is berserving. He has a toy that he ripped off from Phillip's parents house. It's this little Santa thing and when you squeeze this trigger type thing the Santa spins and his body opens up to reveal a snow man. I know, sound wacko, but anyway, he likes it. He decided the other day that when you spin the Santa and then touch it to someone to make the Santa stop spinning, that is called "berserving." We act annoyed or hurt like he's chopping our arm off with this lethal Santa toy. "I berserved you!", He says. And laughs like some kind of evil maniac.

Phillip calls him "The Berservinator."

The Super Secret Brazos Mall/Barnes & Noble Undercover Operation

On Wednesday, Phillip and I participated in fooling Barnes & Noble representatives into thinking that our mall is truly a "prime retail experience." The cost of our integrity was $5.00 a piece so we could eat mediocre Wendy's cuisine. I am so ashamed.

Just in case you don't know what in the world I'm talking about, from 12:00-3:00 on Wednesday there were allegedly Barnes & Noble reps. sent out to check out our mall as a potential new location for one of their stores. The mall was handing out $5.00 vouchers to people to come and show support of our glorious mall during those hours.

I think it would be hilarious if Brazos Mall's little scheme to get patrons botched the whole thing. Hello! People were all over our pitiful "food court" running around with special little $5.00 golden tickets eating Wendy's food like there was no tomorrow since Wendy's is our only place to eat out there. Do they think that these representatives were thinking, "Hmmm, that's curious. The people in this peculiar little town really like Wendy's." Uh, no!! They're going to think, "What do they think, we're stupid?! Paying people off to impress us! We won't be taken in by these "City of Enchantment" weirdos! We are so out of here!"

Well, that's my take on the whole thing in a nutshell. But hey, I got free food out of it so that's cool.