About Mikey's biological mom

Now that Mikey's adoption is final and there's no going back, Phillip and I have talked about establishing some kind of contact with his biological mom. By "contact" all I mean is sending her pictures a couple of times a year via a P.O. box and accepting any letters or pictures that she might want to send our way.

We broached this subject with CPS on the day we signed Mikey's placement papers a week before the adoption. We were pretty much shot down. She said this is the first time she remembered an adoptive family volunteering and desiring to have contact with a biological family. Sometimes when an older child comes into care and is adopted, that child can still have some contact with biological family. But when the child is an infant like Mikey, I don't think it usually comes up. Anyway, our CPS worker and Arrow director told us they didn't think it was a good idea for us to reach out to her. They couldn't understand why we would want to do that.

I think the reasons are pretty simple. But maybe I'm just naiive about the whole thing. His mother made a lot of mistakes. There's no denying that. If she hadn't, he wouldn't have been taken from her at birth and placed with us. But she chose to give him life. She voluntarily signed the relinquishment papers so he could have a chance at a life that she couldn't provide for him. Her choices, good and bad, brought him to us. I think the day will come when Mikey will want to meet her. And I think if there's already some established contact it would make that easier on all of us.

I think it's sad that she carried and gave birth to this beautiful child that she's hardly ever seen. Again, I know she made choices that caused that outcome. I guess I would just like for her to be able to see pictures of him every now and then. If faced with another pregnancy, I would like for her to choose life again because of his big brown eyes. I would like for her to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did the right thing. I would like for her to sleep easier at night knowing that he's healthy and loved and gorgeous.

Maybe I'm just romanticizing the whole thing. But for his sake, I need to believe that she thinks about him. I need to believe that she mourns the loss of him. I need to believe that she wanted him back but just didn't have the discipline to do what she needed to do. Because someday that's what he will want to hear. Because even though he doesn't know her, he will find pieces of his self worth in her. He will want to know that he was wanted by her and that she loved him. And that's what we'll tell him. Whether we have proof of it or not, that's what he'll hear from us.

The only proof I have of that now is that at the last visit she had with him we looked into each other's eyes and smiled. Not just a pleasant smile you offer to a stranger. But a genuine smile from one mother to another. And at that same visit she put a little stuffed brown dog in his diaper bag. It sits up on a shelf so it doesn't get messed up. And until I have anything else to offer him, those things are what I'll hang onto.

So that's why we want to have some contact with her. That's why we would like to have a letter from her telling him these things. That's why we would like for him to someday see a picture of her pretty face. Because right now what we have to offer him about her is incomplete. We want him to feel complete.

We haven't made any decisions about if, when, or how we will contact her. We want to do the right thing for her and our family. Hearing from us may cause her even more pain. We wouldn't want that. And we wouldn't want to invite her into our lives if she isn't safe. I'm hoping that we'll know the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

Adoption party - DONE!

Thanks to the help of lots of friends and family, we pulled off Mikey's adoption party this afternoon.  I'm not really sure how many people came.  We had plenty of food and lots left over. You just never really know how to prepare for these sorts of things.  But I think it was a good time to hang out and eat.  We reconnected with some old friends and hung out with our current old friends....ha!  ha!  Our old friends won't think that's very funny.  Anyway, people were very generous and we collected lots of stuff for the Pregnancy Help Center.  And now we have decided that all of Mikey's adoption business is officially out of the way and he's now just a regular kid.  And that is a good thing.

There was a time not so long ago that I couldn't have in my wildest dreams imagined this day.  I couldn't have imagined celebrating the adoption of a son with close friends and family.  I once wrote that "someday I will look back on all of this stuff that I feel like I’m drowning in and I will be able to say that it was worth it. Someday in the faces of whatever children God gives us I will see the reward."  I wrote that almost three years ago.  And I can honestly say that even though I still don't understand why things happened the way they did, my heart is whole, my life is complete, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.  So much pain brought us to the day when we be filled with more joy than we ever could have imagined.  I look in the faces of my sons and the reward is great.  And it was all worth it.

Just stuff

As you can tell, I've been making some changes to this blog.  It has been pretty much the same thing since I started it in March of '05.  Who knows how long it will stay like it is now.  So far I like it.  I tried for a while to find a decent looking clock to add to my sidebar thing, but they all looked stupid.  I guess that's not necessary anyway.

I think everything is mostly ready for the party tomorrow.  I hope people show up.

Man, I just got stuck reading archived stuff from my blog from the beginning of my blog.  I've been doing that for the last 45 minutes or so.  What a lame thing to do!  I was funny back then.

Jackson had a tough evening yesterday.  From about 5:00-7:00 he found out about his toys in the attic, found out about the Wii being sent off for repairs, feel on the coffee table and got about a six inch long bruise on his thigh, and had to eat gumbo for dinner.  Because he wouldn't eat his food, he couldn't have candy or watch a movie.  He finally whined and complained so much that we told him to go to bed.  He fell asleep almost immediately.  

I told ya so

I've been telling Jackson he needs to get his room clean.  Usually I'll help him out with it a little if I can see that he's actually putting forth some reasonable effort.  But lately he has whined and complained and ignored me about cleaning his room and it's gotten pretty bad.  I don't expect him to keep his room spotless and looking like the cover of Better Homes & Gardens.  Nothing about our house is like that.  But I do expect him to respect the people who gave him those things by taking care of them.  Stuff gets broken and lost when it's thrown all over the room.

Anyway, I told him a week or two ago that.... "One of these days I'm going to come in and I'm going to clean your room and everything that is not where it's supposed to go, is going in the attic."  And this was not some ridiculous ranting threat that was to be blown off like "so help me if you forget to lift the lid one more time, you're going in time out for a year!"  I was serious and he knew I was serious.  

So today was the day.  I needed to get some cleaning done and when I got to his room to do the floors, I couldn't see enough of the floor to do it.  I put his Legos in the container they're supposed to be in and put his Ninja Turtle stuff in the container they're supposed to be in and I put both containers in the attic.  I'm not really sure how long they'll stay there.  I think that's just going to depend on how clean he keeps his room.  I threw some junk away and I put a few other things in his toy box because I was not going to actually box up everything on the floor and put it in the attic.

I'm also not really sure whether to tell him or not.  More than likely he'll just be glad his room is clean and won't even notice that anything is missing.  But what's the punishment in that? But if I tell him, he'll whine, and probably cry, and bargain.  He'll drive me crazy every day asking when he can have his stuff back.  He'll get sympathy from Nana and perhaps even try to talk her into buying him some new Legos.  Not that Nana would fall for that, right?  

I told him I would do it and he didn't think I actually would.  Hopefully this will teach him something.  

Jackson's birthday

Jackson's 6th birthday is coming up soon.  It's hard to believe he's growing up so quick.  But I don't want to think about that right now.  We've decided not to have an actual birthday party for him this year.  We're going to be taking him for a birthday weekend away.  It's not really the whole weekend.  It's just Friday evening and most of Saturday.  I got a great deal through Priceline for the Marriott Town Square in Sugarland.  Does anyone actually pay retail for hotel rooms anymore?  Anyway, it's going to be just Phillip, Jackson, and me.  We've decided to leave Mikey with the grandparents so we can have some alone time with Jack.  So for that day or so we're just going to do stuff that Jackson will enjoy.  We'll probably go to The Children's Museum and do some birthday shopping.  He can't really pick where we're eating though because we're not eating at McDonald's.  We're going to be getting him a Nintendo DS like he needs more video game options.  Anyway, it should be fun and we're looking forward to it.  I really think this will be more memorable for him than a whirlwind birthday party.  I guess we'll see.  

Playing outside

The boys and I went over to St. Whatever Church where they have the Pumpkin Patch every year. We live pretty close to that place so we go there often to play.  It's big enough for the boys just to run around for an hour or so and then we go home.  Usually I don't take the camera because it's too difficult to try to chase Mikey and take pictures.  But I brought it today and here are a few.  

In the last two, Mikey was trying to eat those little white flower things.  He was popping them in his mouth like they were M&Ms.  I just kept taking pictures while Jackson tried his best to get the flowers out of Mikey's mouth.  Jackson was not at all impressed with my parenting skills.

Good and busy

I'm taking a short break from photo editing to do a little blogging.  I've been pretty busy lately with shoots, editing, the house, the kids, planning the party on Sunday, etc....  It's good busy, but I'm beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed with it all.  

I've decided to take a couple of days in the next month or two just for me.  Some friends recommended this place called Cenacle Retreat in Houston.  It's just like this quiet little alcove in the middle of Houston where you can go to just be quiet, meditate, self-reflect, get alone with God, or whatever you might need to do there.  I have to have some down time every now and then or I get so tightly wound that anything can set me off.  And it's been quite a while since I've felt at peace for more than like ten minutes.  Just the thought of being able to go there for a couple of days and be still and think and read and write and just exist in peace seems like a dream.  I love my life.  I am blessed beyond all reason but there is very little peace to be had. So I'm looking forward to it already and I just have to make sure that I don't come up with a million excuses not to do it.  I am a better wife and mother if I can get away every now and then.  

I'm feeling fortunate lately to have the honor of photographing all of the people I've been photographing.  I've dreamed and prayed for years to have something in my life to do (other than being a mom and wife) that would bring me a feeling of fulfillment and significance.  And I am having a total blast doing this photography thing.  I absolutely love doing this.  I love connecting with these people.  I know I still have lots to learn but I am just so glad that I am learning it now at 30 rather than at 50 or 60 or whatever.  Some people live their whole lives and never find the thing that charges them up or gives them satisfaction.  I just feel extremely honored to be doing this.  My prayer is just to remain humble in it.  I have to remember that any talent or ability that I have is a gift from God.  I'm pretty sure that if I forget that, this privilege will quickly turn into a chore.  And that would be a very sad thing.

And now I need to get back to work.  Here are a couple of snapshots of Phillip reading with the boys.  

With Granddad at the Beach

Donald and Debbie camped out at Quintana Beach Park with Jackson a week or so ago. Phillip, Mikey, and I went out there one evening and joined them for dinner.  Here are a few of the boys with Granddad.  Mikey did not want to get out of that water.

Dryer update

I know all of you are just on pins and needles wondering if our dryer is still sort of working or not.  I know you have stayed awake at night thinking about when we would end up replacing it. Well, I want to set all of your minds at ease and let you know that we are now the proud owners of another cheap used dryer.  My friend Andrea, called earlier and told me about one for $75 sitting out in someone's driveway.  So I went and looked at and it looked like a dryer to me so I bought it.  The man was nice enough to take a check from a stranger and keep it in his garage until tomorrow when we can go pick it up.  He even offered to deliver it to our house.  But I'm sure my father-in-law is dying to go pick it up and bring it to our house and I don't want to deprive him of that joy.  Anyway, hopefully this one will last a few years.  Maybe some day we'll buy a brand new one but I'm absolutely fine with cheaping out on used.  Thanks, Andrea.

The Adoption Party

We're going to be having an adoption party for Mikey Sunday, April 27th from 2:00-4:00 at First Baptist in Lake Jackson.  It will be come and go and there will be food and plenty of cool people, such as myself, to hang out with.  I'll be sending out invitations but I'm a little late on that so I just thought I would put it here for some of you to see.  

We know that some people might want to bring gifts for Mikey.  We are asking that instead of bringing gifts for Mikey, please bring gifts in honor of Mikey to donate to the Pregnancy Help Center.  We have more than we need for him and I think this would be a good opportunity to help out some other babies and moms in our area.  I just called the Center and here is a list of things they are low on.

- diaper ointment

- baby powder

- baby shampoo

- baby towels and washcloths

- pacifiers

- baby bottles

They are good as far as maternity stuff right now.  They also always take gift cards that can be used to purchase baby items.  

So mark your calendars and plan on stopping by.  And if you read this and want to come but don't get an invitation in the mail, please consider this your invitation.  I will inevitably forget somebody.  If you know us, love our kids, and want to help the Center, come on.  We would love to have you.

The dryer

Our dryer is crapping out on us.  Again.  We bought that dryer used on ebay maybe a couple of years ago for about $65.00.  It's never worked quite "right" but it gets the clothes dry so that's all that counts.  It stopped working a few months ago and Phillip had to replace some thing in it to get it working again.  Recently is started acting up again.  It just runs sometimes and not other times without any real rhyme of reason.  We'll put clothes in there and push the button and nothing happens.  Then an hour or two or three later it just comes on all by itself.  Basically if it's closed it can just come on or go off at any time.  So we just have to make sure to open it at night or if we're going to be gone for a while.  With every load that gets dried, I think "YES!!  One more!  Victory!"  We could buy another dryer but as long as this one is sort of working we'll probably hang onto it.  

The new kid

Jackson has a new kid in his class named Damian.  That should give you an indication right there where this story is going.  Damian is apparently a little punk of a child.  He has been getting in trouble a lot and has had at least one note sent home.  This is according to Jackson so keep that in mind.  Jackson said that Damian poked his girlfriend, Emma, in the head with his pencil.  I asked Jack if Damian had done anything mean to him yet.  And Jack said, "No, not yet.  But I feel something coming."  

Easter Collage

Here is a collage of the boys from Easter Sunday.  Enjoy!!

Boy's clothes

Mikey and I went to the mall this morning to get Jackson some new clothes.  He has outgrown everything.  I'm proud to say that I bought Jackson 7 shirts and 3 pairs of shorts for just under $50.  I caught a sale at Children's Place and had a coupon for an addition 15% off.  About two or three times a year we buy Jackson some clothes.  I try to get everything as cheap as possible.  And I try to get stuff that can be mixed and matched.  Buying clothes is easy for boys.  You just have to get about 10 or so shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, a pair of khakis, and a few pairs of shorts that can go with just about anything.  And you're pretty much set for a school year.  I intentionally get the stuff oversized so he can wear it for a while.  Lately he's been sporting 4T sized shorts and looks like a geek.  

Sometimes I think I want the hassle of dressing a girl.  But for now, I'm happy with having a couple of little boys.  And just because I can, here's a picture of Mikey.  It's not real recent.  I took this on Thanksgiving Day.  I just like it.  I'm planning on posting some pictures of him from birth to present one of these days when I get some time.  

More pictures

Okay, lets just make it perfectly clear that I will be posting lots of pictures in the next few days.  So just expect it.  Here are a few more from Maury.

I'm not sure but I *think* this picture is when Jackson shrugged after the judge asked us if our testimony given will be the truth.  Is that right, Maury?

Peek-a-boo!

Mikey wanted to run and do his own thing and Daddy wouldn't let him.  So he threw a fit.  He's pretty good at that.

Adoption day pictures

I thought I would take a couple of minutes and post a few adoption day pictures. The first two were taken by Maury.  I love the one of him and Granddad.  

I took the others today before we left and after we got home. Thanks to Maury, I only took a total of 17 pictures while my boys were dressed so cute.

Micah Benjamin Hintze

As of about 9:15 this morning, Mikey is officially Micah Benjamin Hintze.  There will be lots more pictures to follow but for now, here are some Mikey faces.  Up to this point I've not been able to post his face online so I thought I would make up for it now.  

A friend in Rwanda

A friend of ours, Danny Crocker, from Tomball is on a mission trip to Rwanda.

Here is his blog if you want to check it out.  

Please pray for him and his wife and three kids while he's away.

Adoption day prep

We just tried on Jackson's and Mikey's clothes for adoption day.  They are going to be so ridiculously cute!  The boys never have to dress nice so we had nothing already for them to wear.  It seemed a little silly buying this stuff they'll probably never wear again but it's an important day.  And they will look very cute for pictures!   

Mikey will be sporting slacks, button down blue shirt, and a sweater vest. I got him a tie too but it doesn't match the vest.  I might take it back and get another one.  

And Jackson will be in slacks, shirt and tie.  And we had to get Jackson some decent shoes.  We didn't think Converse All Stars would look quite right with the rest of the outfit.  We got him these cute little boat shoes.  Jackson's slacks look kind of funny because he's just so tall and skinny.  And the slacks we got him have a really long rise so he looks a little geeky.  But he's just a little boy so I think it's okay.

I'll try to get some pictures of them that morning before we leave the house if Mikey will cooperate.  By the way, I'm not really expecting Mikey to behave himself during the adoption proceedings.  He hates to be confined in any way.  And when we have to hold him or keep him from running around, he throws a fit like you've never seen.  Maybe he'll surprise me. Hopefully the judge will be quick about it.  

So check back Monday afternoon and I'm sure I'll have some pictures up.  Our friend Maury is going to take some pictures for us at the court house.  Maybe he'll post some somewhere....not sure.  Anyway, there will definitely be some pictures to see.  

And I've developed a nice cough the last couple of days for some reason.  It just came on out of the blue.  So I'll probably be coughing my head off during the whole thing.  

Random Thursday

Everybody else does "Random days of the week" posts so I thought I could too.  Here goes.

A bird family is trying to steal our mailbox.  I'm not quite sure what to do about it.  Jackson wants to "keep" the birds in our mailbox.  I'm somewhat inclined to agree with him but then there's the matter of where to put the actual mail.  Phillip, who is heartless, thinks we (I) should just remove all the twigs everyday until they get the message.  He said something like, "They might not even be trying to live there.  For all we know, they're just looking for a place to store their crap."  I really like the thought of that being the case.  I asked him how long they would stay if we let them live there.  He said, "Generations."  He's funny.

Jackson has become obsessed with playing paper, rock, scissors in the last couple of days.  He wants to play it all the time and as you can imagine, I have better things to do.  I told him this morning to go play it by himself.  It was really funny watching him try to beat his own self in that game.  He hates to loose so I thought it would work out nicely for him.  

We are out of grown up cereal so the last few mornings I've been eating Trix.  I now know why "Trix are for kids."  It's because they're gross.

My truck is so full of junk that the other morning as Jackson was climbing out of it, he knocked a plate out and onto the concrete.  It didn't break and it's still there now waiting to be knocked out again.  There's also a butt load of plastic easter eggs all over the floor board of the back seat.  I'll probably go out there and clean it once I'm done with this.  Historically speaking, my vehicles have always been full of junk.  I'm slightly embarrassed by that.

There have been some interesting dreams in our family lately.  From Mikey turning into a girl, to Phillip and Donald fighting giant spiders, to Donald being an undercover secret spy.  I can't wait to go to sleep tonight to see what happens next.  

And that is it for now.  I have to clean stuff and edit pictures.  

All good things...

As you all know, Mikey's adoption is fast approaching.  We are so excited and relieved that we will no longer have to worry about him being taken away from us.  And at the same time, Phillip and I have joked about what we will potentially encounter through the years with "this child."  As I've mentioned before he is vastly different in personality from Jackson.  And I don't say that as a bad thing, it's just a fact about who he is.  They are both unique individuals.  

I have no doubt that God chose Mikey to be our son.  It is not just some random occurrence that brought us to him or him to us.  God knew as he created and grew him in his mother's womb that he would be our son.  God protected him and rescued him from the danger he would encounter there and brought him to our door.  God created Mikey for us and us for him.  I am seeing that clearer and clearer everyday that I spend with him.  He is our son. And to say that we adore him and marvel at his presence in our family just does not adequately describe the depths of how we feel.  

He is the realization of God's promise to us in Jeremiah 29:11.  I clung to these words during the devastation we went through with the loss of our other babies.  

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.

And we are a part of that realization for Mikey as well.  We are part of God's plan to prosper and not to harm him.  We are part of God's plan to give Mikey hope and a future.  God is so good.  And we are so grateful.  

I joke sometimes saying that God has given me a child less patient that I am to teach me patience.  And while it is kind of funny to think about in that way, it is so true.  I have learned so much about the heart and patience and grace of God through having Mikey in our home.  I have heard people say before that having kids helps you to see how God loves us, His children.  I have seen that with Jackson over the years, but not as much as I see that with Mikey.  It has been difficult to sometimes see myself in Jackson.  He is so many things that I am not.  He is patient and understanding and obedient and predictable.  Mikey, on the other hand, is bull headed, contrary, impulsive, sometimes out of control.  And even so, our hearts just overflow with love for him.  Sometimes we have to work a little harder to receive affection from him, but when we do, the reward is so great.  

The more time I spend with Mikey, the more I understand how God must feel about me.  I must wear on His nerves when I continually do the opposite of what He wants me to do.  And yet, He still finds me beautiful, precious, and endearing.  He must sometimes want to throw up His hands and think, "I just don't know what to do with this child."  But instead He holds onto me and loves me through whatever I'm going through.   And He is always ready to accept love from me even if it's preceded only moments before by anger.  He finds delight in me.  And there are times when He clenches His fists at me.

We look forward to seeing our boys grow up.  We know we will have struggles with them both. We know they will both bring us to our knees at times.  But we also know that they will bring us so much joy and laughter and just completeness.  

God is the giver of all good things and we are grateful.

Livin' on the edge

Here's our little wild man climbing on his toy box.  As I was taking the first one, I  just knew that he was going to fall off on his nose.  But he didn't.