Saturday, May 28, 2005

Dear God....Is that right?

Jackson's bedtime prayer last night was especially interesting. We usually pray basically the same prayer with him before bed, thanking God for today, and our family, and friends, and for loving us and this and that. Anyway, I told Jack to ask God to please keep our baby safe and this was his response...

"Help our baby to be safe so no dinosaurs can bite him and eat him up and so we can put gloves on him."

He's obsessed with gloves, has been for a year atleast and no one really knows why. The folks encourage this silly interest like good grandparents should. If he commands it, they wear gloves for hours on end (probably) while he's over at their house.

Anyway, I'm glad he's starting to get a little creative with his prayer life.

I apologize for the delay

Hey everyone, it has been a really long time since I wrote. Sorry about that. It seems that this pregnancy has pretty much consumed my blog and it's hard for me to think of anything else to write about. There hasn't been any important updates, so my blog has remained stagnant, neglected, and alone.

About the pregnancy, however, things still seem to be ok. I'm at 19 weeks now. I've had no serious problems in a while. I did find out that there's something screwy going on with the muscular layers of my uterus (such an unappealing word, uterus). Anyway, I've started weekly injections to keep this kid in there where he belongs. I hope that works. I am at high risk for delivering too early. Once I get past 25 weeks or so I'll start to relax a little because he would have a high chance of survival if born after that point. But I want a big fat healthy baby to bring home from the hospital, so I hope he hangs in there until October. So that's where we're at. I guess we've decided to name him Evan. It seems to be the only name that Phillip hasn't stomped into the ground and completely destroyed. You know how overbearing he can be. Anyway, thanks for your continued prayers. We're not "out of the woods" yet with this little monkey.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Oops!

After Jackson woke up from his nap the other day, we did the typical routine of taking off his nap time diaper and using the potty. He then went on into his room where I usually follow to put some underwear on him. But I got him some juice and a snack and since he was playing so nicely in his room, I went to sit back down on the couch... and I completely forgot to put any underwear on him. After maybe half an hour or more, I went to check on him in his room, and there he was playing with all his new birthday stuff in just a t-shirt with all his business hanging out for the whole world to see. He could not have cared in the least that he was practically naked. Anyway, we both laughed about it. He would probably just run around the house nude all day if we let him.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Ahoy Mate

Jackson has decided that when we get our new baby boy, that we are going to name him Captain Brown. We have suggested several other options but he has already made up his mind. Captain Brown Hintze. I think I like it.

Monday, May 09, 2005

IT'S A.......

I went to the doctor today and had another ultrasound and it looks like we will be having another little boy! Everything looks good with the pregnancy. There are still some areas of concern with the placenta that are not as attached as they should be. And there is atleast one blood clot that the doctor found. I still have to stay off of my feet as much as possible as long as the placenta looks iffy. But overall, things look good. The baby is the right size and doesn't appear to have any abnormalities. We are still discussing name options. I may put a poll on here to get some input from my faithful readers. Anyway, we are happy, but still nervous. Please continue to pray for this little one. Jackson really wants a little brother.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Sometimes A Song

Sometimes a song just hits you right where you are and either you can't help but sing along or you physically cannot sing along without getting choked up. This Sunday Kristin (beautifully) sang Worth It All and I found myself sitting there with a very uncomfortable lump in my throat. Crying in front of people is not something I like to get stuck doing, so I prefer for these kinds of things not to happen in public. Anyway, I have heard this song before and thought it was a nice song and all, but this time was different.

I don't understand Your ways,
Oh, but I will give You my song,
Give You all of my praise
You hold onto all my pain.
With it You are pulling me closer and
Pulling me into your ways.

Now around every corner
And up every mountain,
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains.
I'm desperately seeking,
I'm frantic believing
That the sight of Your face,
It's all that I need.

I will say to You:
It's gonna be worth it,
It's gonna be worth it all.

I believe this.


The words desperately seeking and frantic believing just really describe how I've felt over the last year or so. To just simply say "turn to God" or "hold onto God's truths" or "trust in God's provision" those things made sense to me before our second pregnancy and they still hold true now. But desperate, frantic, grasping, clinging, these kinds of words didn't really apply to me or the way I felt that I needed God. I have never before in my life felt so out of control or so in need of God just to get through a day. Now I beg Him for things like rest, hopeful thoughts, and peace of mind. Lately I've been praying that He would just get me through whatever I have to deal with today.

I don't know how things will turn out with this pregnancy. I am hopeful. But I have to be realistic too. I know that nothing is certain. But I do know that however this turns out, someday I will look back on all of this stuff that I feel like I’m drowning in and I will be able to say that it was worth it. Someday in the faces of whatever children God gives us I will see the reward. And I hope that the desperation I feel now never completely go away. I do believe with everything that is in me that someday this will all make sense and I will feel that it has all been worth it.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

My baby is turning three

Jackson will be three years old on Saturday. When he was born, I couldn't wait to see what he would look like and act like and speak like when he got older. I couldn't wait for him to take his first steps and say "mommy." Then I couldn't wait for him to be potty trained. Now I still look forward to watching him grow and develop, but mostly I just miss my baby. Do parents always long for their children to be what they once were or what they're going to be? Why is it so hard to savor today? I can't believe my baby is almost three.

On a lighter note, last night Jackson wanted to sleep in our bed. We told him he needed to sleep in his own bed. He asked why and I said, "because you're three years old and big enough to sleep in your own bed." He said, "but I'm not three years old. I'm still two years old." Turkey! He slept in his own bed anyway, three or not.