Our friends gave us some silly string for our trip to Dallas. I guess they expected us to spray it all over the hotel room while we were swinging from the chandelier. We didn't. Jack saw it this evening and wanted to open it. At first I said, "No way. I am not opening that stuff right now." Usually when I say no to something I stick to my guns no matter how much he begs. But then I remembered a moment with my mom when I was about seven or eight.
Someone gave me some silly string and I so badly wanted to spray it in the house. My mom would not let me do it at first. Then she decided we would just spray a little bit. I think I sprayed some first on the wall or something. Then she took it from me and started spraying it EVERYWHERE! It was crazy. I will never forget it. She covered the ceiling fan with it....and then she turned it on so she could watch it fly all over the place. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, stunned. Who was this woman? What had happened to my predictable, somewhat boring mom? Who had temporarily taken over her uptight, worried, stomach always in knots self? Once I got over the shock of the situation, I tried to get it back from her so I could spray some. She was like a mad woman. She used the entire can of silly string all over our living room.
For a moment, she was free. She was free of all the junk that always seemed to weigh so heavy on her mind. She lost herself in the moment with her kid. That will be a memory that I will always have of her.
So...I opened the silly string. I said, "Come on, Jack." And he smiled and said, "Thanks, mom." We went into the playroom (not the living room) and we both sprayed some silly string. We didn't use the whole can and I didn't spray it on the ceiling fan. But I think maybe for a few minutes, I was his hero. And it was cool. I'll clean it up later.
I'll need to hide the silly string so my mom doesn't see it next time she comes over to watch Jack. She might freak him out if she gets her hands on it.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Adult Korean Adoptees
Yesterday evening I came across a couple of blogs that are written by Korean adoptees who are now adults. I've added one of the links to my blogs section.
I love her honesty about her feelings about being an international adoptee. And most of what I've read so far are not good feelings. I was reading on the Dillon Korean adoption forum and a couple women mentioned that they do not read her blog or blogs like hers because it is too upsetting or uncomfortable for them. This mindset blows my mind! Here, through the postings of this courageous and honest young woman, we can see the future thoughts of our children. We can see through her how they may feel someday about having been adopted from another country. We can see their views on their adoptive families and their adoptive country. It is scary to think about this stuff. But if we don't, we are doing our kids a huge disservice.
I realize that not every adoptee feels the way she feels exactly. But I'm sure most of them feel atleast to some degree the pain and anger she feels about having been taken from her birth country and sent to a place where she doesn't look like everyone else and is kind of expected to be something that she is not....caucasian. I will never know the pain of being adopted. But a person who I will love very much will know that pain and if I can somehow have some insight into it, maybe I'll be a better mother to that child.
One of the "plusses" to adopting from Korea is that you do not have to go there to get your child. It is one of the few countries where the child can be escorted to America. I really like this idea. That is more convenient for us. But, man, after reading some of her blog and really thinking about my child in terms of the adult that he/she will become someday, I'm really starting to reconsider using an escort. Phillip and I will be our child's primary advocate and if we don't go there and take pictures of his/her country, caregivers, home, etc., who will? It will be our responsibility to supply this child with as much information as we can get our hands on about his/her life prior to becoming part of our family. Some day my child will ask me why I didn't go to Korea. And I would have to say, "because it was not convenient at the time." I think that would be a very sad day.
I know that regardless of whether my children are biological or adopted, they will feel disappointed in us at some point in their lives. We will NOT do everything "right." I have no doubt that we will fail them miserably somewhere along the way. But we will do the best we can.
I love her honesty about her feelings about being an international adoptee. And most of what I've read so far are not good feelings. I was reading on the Dillon Korean adoption forum and a couple women mentioned that they do not read her blog or blogs like hers because it is too upsetting or uncomfortable for them. This mindset blows my mind! Here, through the postings of this courageous and honest young woman, we can see the future thoughts of our children. We can see through her how they may feel someday about having been adopted from another country. We can see their views on their adoptive families and their adoptive country. It is scary to think about this stuff. But if we don't, we are doing our kids a huge disservice.
I realize that not every adoptee feels the way she feels exactly. But I'm sure most of them feel atleast to some degree the pain and anger she feels about having been taken from her birth country and sent to a place where she doesn't look like everyone else and is kind of expected to be something that she is not....caucasian. I will never know the pain of being adopted. But a person who I will love very much will know that pain and if I can somehow have some insight into it, maybe I'll be a better mother to that child.
One of the "plusses" to adopting from Korea is that you do not have to go there to get your child. It is one of the few countries where the child can be escorted to America. I really like this idea. That is more convenient for us. But, man, after reading some of her blog and really thinking about my child in terms of the adult that he/she will become someday, I'm really starting to reconsider using an escort. Phillip and I will be our child's primary advocate and if we don't go there and take pictures of his/her country, caregivers, home, etc., who will? It will be our responsibility to supply this child with as much information as we can get our hands on about his/her life prior to becoming part of our family. Some day my child will ask me why I didn't go to Korea. And I would have to say, "because it was not convenient at the time." I think that would be a very sad day.
I know that regardless of whether my children are biological or adopted, they will feel disappointed in us at some point in their lives. We will NOT do everything "right." I have no doubt that we will fail them miserably somewhere along the way. But we will do the best we can.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Birkman Personality Profile
The church I attend is going to be offering a class in the next few weeks to help people discover their spiritual giftedness and design for ministry. Some of us part-timers at the office were used as guinea pigs prior to the real class. We did a personality profile by Birkman International to help us discover how we perform best in ministry, how we relate to others, accomplish tasks, and that kind of thing. They relate the whole thing specifically to ministry although it really is just for finding out how you work and interact with other people wherever you are. The whole thing is kind of hard to explain without diagrams, which I don't have here at home. It uses four categories to help identify personal styles of ministry. The four categories are:
Expediting - Doers
Communicating - Talkers
Administrating - Counters
Planning - Thinkers
The test asks a variety of questions regarding what people think about themselves as well as what they think about other people. It also asks questions about job preferences assuming all pay and required education were the same. Then based on the answers, the Birkman folks tally eveything up and tell you kind of where you fit into those four categories. Everyone has some of the characteristics of all four categories, but most people have one or two that are stronger than the others.
I discovered that I fall mostly within the Blue section, which is Planner - thinker. I've never really considered myself to be much of a planner. But I think what they mean is a more big picture, visionary kind of person rather than a detailed planner. Some of the frequent behaviors listed for this type of person fit me rather accurately. I'm cautious, indecisive, dreamy, sensitive (NOT), and somewhat of a free spirit, whatever that means. Planners are also usually insightful, selectively sociable, thoughful, reflective, and optimistic.
I was rather surprised to find out that my next strongest behavioral style was Administrative. People that are strong in this category are often organized, detailed, scheduled, controlling, habitual, and stubborn. I don't really enjoy administrative work even though that is what I currently do. I don't enjoy it, but I don't hate it either. And I can keep a lot of balls in the air. I don't like doing detailed work, but I can if I have to.
Anyway, the whole thing is just kind of interesting. I don't know that the information will benefit me a whole lot. I guess maybe it will help me understand my co-workers a little better. As far as ministry stuff goes, I pretty much know what I'm good at and what I enjoy and those are the things I usually gravitate towards. But for people who may not have a clue about themselves, maybe this would help them figure themselves out.
But I think maybe the results could be a little screwy depending on what type of person you are. If you are an indicisive person, you could have a hard time deciding on which answer to pick and that could give you some strange results. If you are a competitive person, you may want to finish your test before the others, which could also give you strange results. If you are friendly you may talk too much while you are supposed to be taking the test, get distracted, and...you got it, get strange results.
So, anyway, it is interesting if nothing else. But I think there is certainly validity to the test and the results. Variations of this test are used in many Universities to help college students with career planning and deciding on their majors. So I'm sure they probably know what they'er doing.
I think it would have been funny to take the test and answer everything exactly the opposite of what I actually felt just to freak everyone out....but I didn't....or did I??
Expediting - Doers
Communicating - Talkers
Administrating - Counters
Planning - Thinkers
The test asks a variety of questions regarding what people think about themselves as well as what they think about other people. It also asks questions about job preferences assuming all pay and required education were the same. Then based on the answers, the Birkman folks tally eveything up and tell you kind of where you fit into those four categories. Everyone has some of the characteristics of all four categories, but most people have one or two that are stronger than the others.
I discovered that I fall mostly within the Blue section, which is Planner - thinker. I've never really considered myself to be much of a planner. But I think what they mean is a more big picture, visionary kind of person rather than a detailed planner. Some of the frequent behaviors listed for this type of person fit me rather accurately. I'm cautious, indecisive, dreamy, sensitive (NOT), and somewhat of a free spirit, whatever that means. Planners are also usually insightful, selectively sociable, thoughful, reflective, and optimistic.
I was rather surprised to find out that my next strongest behavioral style was Administrative. People that are strong in this category are often organized, detailed, scheduled, controlling, habitual, and stubborn. I don't really enjoy administrative work even though that is what I currently do. I don't enjoy it, but I don't hate it either. And I can keep a lot of balls in the air. I don't like doing detailed work, but I can if I have to.
Anyway, the whole thing is just kind of interesting. I don't know that the information will benefit me a whole lot. I guess maybe it will help me understand my co-workers a little better. As far as ministry stuff goes, I pretty much know what I'm good at and what I enjoy and those are the things I usually gravitate towards. But for people who may not have a clue about themselves, maybe this would help them figure themselves out.
But I think maybe the results could be a little screwy depending on what type of person you are. If you are an indicisive person, you could have a hard time deciding on which answer to pick and that could give you some strange results. If you are a competitive person, you may want to finish your test before the others, which could also give you strange results. If you are friendly you may talk too much while you are supposed to be taking the test, get distracted, and...you got it, get strange results.
So, anyway, it is interesting if nothing else. But I think there is certainly validity to the test and the results. Variations of this test are used in many Universities to help college students with career planning and deciding on their majors. So I'm sure they probably know what they'er doing.
I think it would have been funny to take the test and answer everything exactly the opposite of what I actually felt just to freak everyone out....but I didn't....or did I??
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
There's a Nightmare in My Closet
There's a Nightmare in My Closet
Jackson's teacher read this book at Pre-school today. Do you remember this book? I vaguely remember it from when I was a kid. They also made a little art project thing to go along with the book. Jack's is pretty funny. You'll just have to turn your head sideways to see the pictures because I don't know how to rotate them. I rotated it in the iphoto thing but it didn't upload them right. Don't know...don't care.
Jackson's teacher read this book at Pre-school today. Do you remember this book? I vaguely remember it from when I was a kid. They also made a little art project thing to go along with the book. Jack's is pretty funny. You'll just have to turn your head sideways to see the pictures because I don't know how to rotate them. I rotated it in the iphoto thing but it didn't upload them right. Don't know...don't care.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Job Stuff
In the next few months or so I'll be trying to find a full-time job. I actually have never had a full-time job in my life...except the whole mom thing, which is all the time. I have never wanted to be a full-time working mother and I still don't want to. But we have adoption stuff that we'll have to start paying for soon and it would make all that much easier if I was working full time also. I will go back to part-time stuff after the baby gets here. I'm going to try to get on at the Christian School in our area as a teacher. It doesn't pay very well though.
So if any of you people who read this thing hear of anything I might be interested in, let me know. I have a Bachelor's degree in Business Administration/Management, but not much actual business/management experience. I'm mathematically retarded but I am familiar with several programs that aren't. I'm great at dealing with annoying people because I, myself, am somewhat annoying. And I will try almost anything once. So, in a nutshell, those are my qualifications.
As you can see, I may need some help with this.
So if any of you people who read this thing hear of anything I might be interested in, let me know. I have a Bachelor's degree in Business Administration/Management, but not much actual business/management experience. I'm mathematically retarded but I am familiar with several programs that aren't. I'm great at dealing with annoying people because I, myself, am somewhat annoying. And I will try almost anything once. So, in a nutshell, those are my qualifications.
As you can see, I may need some help with this.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Dallas Part II
We ate some good food while we were gone. Pappasito's, Outback, Cracker Barrel, and of course Whataburger. At Cracker Barrel I discovered that I am officially "just plain dumb." I ended up with three tees each time I played their stupid triangle golf tee puzzle game thing. Phillip couldn't seem to decide if he was a "genius" or an "eg-no-ra-moose." I'm going to have to agree with both.
I forgot to mention in my earlier post that our friends gave us lots of encouraging cards, and that was really cool. I had a close-to-tearful moment because of all the cards. It's a little easier to believe you can do something as involved and complicated as adopting if other people believe you can do it too.
We learned at this workshop thing that we are more likely to get a boy from Korea than a girl. We didn't specify a gender and since most people request girls, there are more boys that need families. Either one would be very cool. We figure it will probably be January of 2008 or so before the kiddo gets here. Things could move faster or slower.
It's good to be home. And nobody did anything weird to our house, thank goodness.
I forgot to mention in my earlier post that our friends gave us lots of encouraging cards, and that was really cool. I had a close-to-tearful moment because of all the cards. It's a little easier to believe you can do something as involved and complicated as adopting if other people believe you can do it too.
We learned at this workshop thing that we are more likely to get a boy from Korea than a girl. We didn't specify a gender and since most people request girls, there are more boys that need families. Either one would be very cool. We figure it will probably be January of 2008 or so before the kiddo gets here. Things could move faster or slower.
It's good to be home. And nobody did anything weird to our house, thank goodness.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Dallas
Just a few quick details about our current trip to Dallas:
The adoption conference was fine. There were four couples there including us and we were BY FAR the coolest ones there. Huge ego boost! The other people were pretty serious dorks.
Dallas is insane. We've spent about 4 hours just driving aimlessly hoping to find something cool.
Our friends put together some stuff for our trip. Some of it's nice. Some of it's funny. Some of it will hopefully ensure I won't get pregnant....again. For example, snacks, silly string, a hand towel?, games, finger paint bubble bath?, Sno Caps (does that have some hidden meaning??), and various contraceptives....thanks, guys. But, where are the muffins?? How could you forget that?
I gather from the supplies they gave us that they expect us to spend a lot of time eating, playing games, trying not to get pregnant, and cleaning stuff. What stuff? Not sure, exactly.
Well, it's been good to get away. It hasn't been very relaxing, especially for Phillip, who has been doing all of the aimless driving. But we'll be able to sleep in tomorrow.
Aaron, you better stay away from my house. My neighbor and his dog are ready for you.
Oh yeah, and mapquest really sucks.
The adoption conference was fine. There were four couples there including us and we were BY FAR the coolest ones there. Huge ego boost! The other people were pretty serious dorks.
Dallas is insane. We've spent about 4 hours just driving aimlessly hoping to find something cool.
Our friends put together some stuff for our trip. Some of it's nice. Some of it's funny. Some of it will hopefully ensure I won't get pregnant....again. For example, snacks, silly string, a hand towel?, games, finger paint bubble bath?, Sno Caps (does that have some hidden meaning??), and various contraceptives....thanks, guys. But, where are the muffins?? How could you forget that?
I gather from the supplies they gave us that they expect us to spend a lot of time eating, playing games, trying not to get pregnant, and cleaning stuff. What stuff? Not sure, exactly.
Well, it's been good to get away. It hasn't been very relaxing, especially for Phillip, who has been doing all of the aimless driving. But we'll be able to sleep in tomorrow.
Aaron, you better stay away from my house. My neighbor and his dog are ready for you.
Oh yeah, and mapquest really sucks.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Meanwhile...
Jackson was telling me about school on the way home today. He must have said, "Meanwhile..." atleast four times between school and home. He said he learned that from Lyle The Kindly Viking. The kid watches way too much t.v.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Reading and stuff
I read a lot as a kid. During high school, I read every Stephen King novel I could get my hands on. I finally grew out of that. But during college, especially the last couple of years, the only books I read were required and I hated almost every minute of it. I read books about leadersip, negotiating, corporate alliances, international finance, finding your heart in management, and loads and loads of other junk that I could not have cared less about. After I finally graduated with a degree that I hoped to never use, I quit reading altogether.
I started a few books here and there but rarely finished one. If I did read something, it was some mindless novel that I could have written better myself. Dean Koontz, anyone? Anyway, in the last year or so I have started reading again. And I'm having to rediscover what it is that I like to read. I just finished The Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and it was cool but I kind of had to make myself finish the last couple of sections because I was getting a little bored. So, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to try next. I've always read novels in the past, but lately I'm feeling the need to read stuff that will change me or teach me something or grow me somehow instead of just reading a story about a bunch of made up people living in a world that doesn't exist. I don't just want to read to pass the time. I want to read to become better than I am.
By the way, if anyone wants a ton of business and management books, I can hook you up.
I started a few books here and there but rarely finished one. If I did read something, it was some mindless novel that I could have written better myself. Dean Koontz, anyone? Anyway, in the last year or so I have started reading again. And I'm having to rediscover what it is that I like to read. I just finished The Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and it was cool but I kind of had to make myself finish the last couple of sections because I was getting a little bored. So, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to try next. I've always read novels in the past, but lately I'm feeling the need to read stuff that will change me or teach me something or grow me somehow instead of just reading a story about a bunch of made up people living in a world that doesn't exist. I don't just want to read to pass the time. I want to read to become better than I am.
By the way, if anyone wants a ton of business and management books, I can hook you up.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
80%er
I like to call myself an 80%er. That to me means that I put forth an average of about 80% effort in my daily life. The effort or attention with some things may be higher or lower, but just on average, about 80% overall. I was perfectly happy with B's in school, especially if I didn't have to study to get them. I'm comfortable with a few dirty dishes in the sink at any given time. I expect myself and others to screw up several times a day. I am not hard on myself when I do screw up because I know it's coming and I'm fine with it.
But then you have the 110%ers and those people really confuse me. I don't understand them. And they do not understand people like me. They think we're lazy or incompetent and we think they need to take a pill or buy looser underwear. I think that most 110%ers wish they could be 80%ers but they just can't for any number of reasons. And I think most 80%ers wish they could get away with being 50%ers but they know they would starve and have no place to live.
The world needs 110%ers to do the work that the 80%ers really don't feel like doing or don't think is important enough to mess with. The 110%ers create extra work for themselves to do while the 80%ers think of creative ways to pawn their work off on the 110%ers.
If you are a 110%er, thanks for all you do to make my life easier.
But then you have the 110%ers and those people really confuse me. I don't understand them. And they do not understand people like me. They think we're lazy or incompetent and we think they need to take a pill or buy looser underwear. I think that most 110%ers wish they could be 80%ers but they just can't for any number of reasons. And I think most 80%ers wish they could get away with being 50%ers but they know they would starve and have no place to live.
The world needs 110%ers to do the work that the 80%ers really don't feel like doing or don't think is important enough to mess with. The 110%ers create extra work for themselves to do while the 80%ers think of creative ways to pawn their work off on the 110%ers.
If you are a 110%er, thanks for all you do to make my life easier.
Monday, March 20, 2006
"Ultimately our gift to the world around us is hope. Not blind hope that pretends everything is fine and refuses to acknowledge how things are. But the kind of hope that comes from staring pain and suffering right in the eyes and refusing to believe that this is all there is. It is what we all need - hope that comes not from going around suffering but from going through it." - Rob Bell The Velvet Elvis (170)
I do refuse to believe this is all there is.
I do refuse to believe this is all there is.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Sunday Night Fun
Warning: Rambling complaints follow
We usually have our small group on Sunday nights. We didn't realize that our group wasn't meeting tonight...guess we missed the memo. So, anyway, Phillip's parents took Jackson so we could go to small group. So we saw Jack about three hours today (while he was sleeping) because they had him this morning so we could do music stuff at a church in Tomball. Anyway, since our group wasn't meeting, we thought we would visit another small group that our friends go to but they were about 45 minutes into it so we decided not to do that after all. We drove out to Angleton to go to Giovanni's but they were closed. Then we drove back to Lake Jackson and we were going to go to Cafe Annice but they were closed too. So about an hour after our adventure started we ended up at El Toro where the waiter barely notice we were there.
So, it's about 9:00 and when Jackson gets home he's going to have to go straight to bed. I really don't like these kind of days where I don't see him. It just makes the whole day feel off. I think maybe I'll let him sleep with us tonight just so I can be next to him for a little while.
We usually have our small group on Sunday nights. We didn't realize that our group wasn't meeting tonight...guess we missed the memo. So, anyway, Phillip's parents took Jackson so we could go to small group. So we saw Jack about three hours today (while he was sleeping) because they had him this morning so we could do music stuff at a church in Tomball. Anyway, since our group wasn't meeting, we thought we would visit another small group that our friends go to but they were about 45 minutes into it so we decided not to do that after all. We drove out to Angleton to go to Giovanni's but they were closed. Then we drove back to Lake Jackson and we were going to go to Cafe Annice but they were closed too. So about an hour after our adventure started we ended up at El Toro where the waiter barely notice we were there.
So, it's about 9:00 and when Jackson gets home he's going to have to go straight to bed. I really don't like these kind of days where I don't see him. It just makes the whole day feel off. I think maybe I'll let him sleep with us tonight just so I can be next to him for a little while.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Hair cut
I'm posting this to help myself remember that I have an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow (Sat.) at 9:30. I had an appointment on Thursday and I forgot, fell asleep, and didn't go. I'm a total space cadet about 60% of the time. I've also recruited about 4 people so far to call me in the morning if they think about it. So....hopefully, I'll be getting a much needed hair cut tomorrow morning.
If I remember.
If I remember.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
At the Park again
We took some more pictures at the park today. Here's a few that I took today. The last picture is not of Jack's dirty feet. They belong to our friends' daughter.
Solid Rock
Phillip and I are helping out a little church in Tomball with their music this weekend. It will be good to sing again. Singing can usually pull me out a funk. Anyway, I think we're going to throw the hymn The Solid Rock in there somewhere. It sounds pretty cool and the words are great. I love dusting off old hymns and breathing new life into them. A couple other favorites of mine are Come Thou Fount and Be Thou My Vision. We haven't gotten the ok yet from the preacher man, but we'll probably do it anyway. Here are the words to The Solid Rock. We'll probably skip the third verse.
Words: Edward Mote
Tune: Solid Rock, William Bradbury, 1863
My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholy lean on Jesus name
Chorus
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil
(Chorus)
His oath, His covenant His blood,
support me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay
(Chorus)
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne
Words: Edward Mote
Tune: Solid Rock, William Bradbury, 1863
My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholy lean on Jesus name
Chorus
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil
(Chorus)
His oath, His covenant His blood,
support me in the whelming flood
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay
(Chorus)
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne
Monday, March 13, 2006
Today
This is how I feel right now....today....
restless |ˈrestləs| adjective
(of a person or animal)unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom : the audience grew restless and inattentive. • offering no physical or emotional rest; involving constant activity or motion : a restless night.
unfulfilled |ˌənfoŏ(l)ˈfild| adjective
not carried out or brought to completion : it was his unfulfilled ambition to write. • not having fully utilized or exploited one's abilities or character.
discouraged |disˈkərij; -ˈkə-rij| verb
[ trans. ] cause (someone) to lose confidence or enthusiasm
• prevent or seek to prevent (something) by showing disapproval or creating difficulties
• persuade (someone) against an action
disillusioned |ˌdisəˈloō zh ənd| adjective
disappointed in someone or something that one discovers to be less good than one had believed
This is what I will choose to believe inspite of how I feel right now....today....
Romans 8:28-39 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Faith
A friend of mine gave me a small gift today. It's not anything I can use to make my house prettier or help me in some day to day task. It didn't cost much money. Just a small token that made a very big emotional impact on me.
She gave me a tiny newborn sock that has a small containter of mustard seeds inside of it. It took me a moment to "get it." But when I did, I got pretty choked up, which really doesn't happen very often.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20
I love the song Shifting Sand by Caedmon's Call. I really identify with that song. Some of the lyrics are below.
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time
I have faith in God, His existance, His goodness, His love. I don't struggle much with having faith that God can. But I do struggle with having the faith that God will.
Oh, and while I've been typing this, the George Michael song Faith been pushing its way into my brain. Not cool. Because once a song gets stuck there, it's hard for me to make it go away.
'Cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith-ahh!
She gave me a tiny newborn sock that has a small containter of mustard seeds inside of it. It took me a moment to "get it." But when I did, I got pretty choked up, which really doesn't happen very often.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20
I love the song Shifting Sand by Caedmon's Call. I really identify with that song. Some of the lyrics are below.
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace
Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time
I have faith in God, His existance, His goodness, His love. I don't struggle much with having faith that God can. But I do struggle with having the faith that God will.
Oh, and while I've been typing this, the George Michael song Faith been pushing its way into my brain. Not cool. Because once a song gets stuck there, it's hard for me to make it go away.
'Cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith-ahh!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Chalk Art
This is a drawing of a cow.
I drew the Shrek face and Jack drew the "body."
Just some diry toes
I think he is drawing a triangle with a string on it....not sure. It looks kind of lika 'shroom to me.
This one started out as a sun, but then I told Jack it looked kindof like a bug and he said, "You're exactly right."
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Insane
Our front door is insane. It is metal so magnets stick to it. And since I don't really let Jack play in the kitchen, we "display" his artwork on the front door. Nifty, huh? It looks really strange when the house if clean. So most of the time, it fits right in.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Worst Mother on the Planet
Ok, maybe not the worst mother on the planet but certainly not the best. When I dropped Jackson off at preschool this morning the director said, "We missed you last night." I said, "What was last night?"
I missed my child's Open House! I totally forgot about it. They only sent about three notes home about it in the last month. I kept meaning to write it in my planner and since that didn't happen, we just didn't go. I feel pretty bad about it. But Jackson is totally oblivious to the whole thing... I think. He may come up to me a month from now and ask why we didn't go to Open House.
I'm sure I'll do many other things in his lifetime that will make me feel a little like a failure. I guess this is pretty minor in comparisson to the other things I will surely do to cause him to go on Dr. Phil someday. Oh well, atleast I don't have any regrets about what we were doing instead of Open House. We were laying on the couch together under a blanket watching Veggie Tales and having a tickle fight.
He will survive my inadequacies. He knows he is loved.
I missed my child's Open House! I totally forgot about it. They only sent about three notes home about it in the last month. I kept meaning to write it in my planner and since that didn't happen, we just didn't go. I feel pretty bad about it. But Jackson is totally oblivious to the whole thing... I think. He may come up to me a month from now and ask why we didn't go to Open House.
I'm sure I'll do many other things in his lifetime that will make me feel a little like a failure. I guess this is pretty minor in comparisson to the other things I will surely do to cause him to go on Dr. Phil someday. Oh well, atleast I don't have any regrets about what we were doing instead of Open House. We were laying on the couch together under a blanket watching Veggie Tales and having a tickle fight.
He will survive my inadequacies. He knows he is loved.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Who's Monica?
I got to work today to find a "My First Harmonica" on my desk. One of my friends and faithful readers decided to push me along in this journey of discovery. The thing to discover being "Can I learn to play the harmonica?" And how do I thank her? I called her a butthead. Sorry, Erin. So anyway, I brought the thing home and tried it out. It was absolutely awful. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, Jackson decided he wanted to try it out. I really wish you could see and hear him play this thing. It is beyond hideous....and very funny. And it's really loud. He frantically breathes in and out into it, with his little belly going in and out like a belly dancer. And sometimes, just for an added treat, he hums while he's doing it. So, if Jackson wants to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the "formonica" as he calls it, he will frantically blow in and out while humming the song. I told him he can only play it in the playroom and preferably with the door closed. I told him that he plays really good (I know that's poor grammar) but that it's just too loud for mommy's ears. So he has decided that it's his formonica and that I can only borrow it sometimes if he's not "practicing" on it.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
More Church Stuff
I'm still reading The Present Fture by Reggie McNeal. So much of what he addresses in this book is to get away from the club mentality regarding church and more importantly, regarding Christianity.
"The scorecard is all about church membership, church participation, and church support. We are training people to be good club members, all the while wondering why our influence in the world is waning." (72)
I just want to preface my next few statements with this: I love our church. I do. The support that we have been given since we started going to our church has been unreal. We have witnessed a first-hand outpouring of God's divine love through people at our church. This is not meant to be a slam against our church or against church in general.
BUT...
Many of us certainly have a club member mentality. We take every opportunity we have to dote on our church and the great things it has to offer to the people who grace it's doors. We are proud to call ourselves "members." We spend more time talking about being a member of ________ than talking about being a follower of Christ Himself.
We had our annual ladies' retreat last weekend. It was great. There were many very good things about the retreat. The evening we spent in our cottages was a time to get to know one another. We had approximately 25 women in our cabin. After we played a couple of "get-to-know-you" games, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. The cabin host simply asked us to introduce ourselves to the other people that were there. That's all. Introduce yourselves.
Almost every single person in that room began with who they are, who makes up their family and how long they have been going to our church. How they started coming to our church. What they love about out church. No joke. The only people there who didn't give us their our church story were the two or three people who are not members of our church. And they felt the need to almost apologize for not being members of our church. It was weird. I hadn't even started reading this Reggie McNeal book and I thought, "This isn't right." Not one story about becoming a Christ follower. Not one story of a changed life. Not that I would expect someone to go into life-changing stories in an introduction, but I also wouldn't expect them to go into church affiliation either. It really was a strange phenomenon.
And even though I knew this didn't seem right, when it came to be my turn, I didn't really stop the trend. I didn't say how long we had been going or how long we had been members. But I did say that I work at the church office. What I said without actually saying it is, "It's cool. I'm a club member too."
Why do we do this? Why is it that when someone asks us something about our relationship with God we almost immediately go to church affiliation? Why is our thinking so screwed up that we cannot talk about faith or what God has brought to our day without throwing our membership into the mix? We think that for someone to experience a new life, they must "belong" to us. To US! To OUR CHURCH! It's wrong. I do not want to think like this anymore.
I hate that I was a part of making some beautiful people feel like they didn't fit. Like they weren't "in." I hate that I flaunted my "membership" because everyone else was. I hate that this is going to be a difficult mental shift for me to stop thinking like that.
This book is kicking my butt.
"The scorecard is all about church membership, church participation, and church support. We are training people to be good club members, all the while wondering why our influence in the world is waning." (72)
I just want to preface my next few statements with this: I love our church. I do. The support that we have been given since we started going to our church has been unreal. We have witnessed a first-hand outpouring of God's divine love through people at our church. This is not meant to be a slam against our church or against church in general.
BUT...
Many of us certainly have a club member mentality. We take every opportunity we have to dote on our church and the great things it has to offer to the people who grace it's doors. We are proud to call ourselves "members." We spend more time talking about being a member of ________ than talking about being a follower of Christ Himself.
We had our annual ladies' retreat last weekend. It was great. There were many very good things about the retreat. The evening we spent in our cottages was a time to get to know one another. We had approximately 25 women in our cabin. After we played a couple of "get-to-know-you" games, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. The cabin host simply asked us to introduce ourselves to the other people that were there. That's all. Introduce yourselves.
Almost every single person in that room began with who they are, who makes up their family and how long they have been going to our church. How they started coming to our church. What they love about out church. No joke. The only people there who didn't give us their our church story were the two or three people who are not members of our church. And they felt the need to almost apologize for not being members of our church. It was weird. I hadn't even started reading this Reggie McNeal book and I thought, "This isn't right." Not one story about becoming a Christ follower. Not one story of a changed life. Not that I would expect someone to go into life-changing stories in an introduction, but I also wouldn't expect them to go into church affiliation either. It really was a strange phenomenon.
And even though I knew this didn't seem right, when it came to be my turn, I didn't really stop the trend. I didn't say how long we had been going or how long we had been members. But I did say that I work at the church office. What I said without actually saying it is, "It's cool. I'm a club member too."
Why do we do this? Why is it that when someone asks us something about our relationship with God we almost immediately go to church affiliation? Why is our thinking so screwed up that we cannot talk about faith or what God has brought to our day without throwing our membership into the mix? We think that for someone to experience a new life, they must "belong" to us. To US! To OUR CHURCH! It's wrong. I do not want to think like this anymore.
I hate that I was a part of making some beautiful people feel like they didn't fit. Like they weren't "in." I hate that I flaunted my "membership" because everyone else was. I hate that this is going to be a difficult mental shift for me to stop thinking like that.
This book is kicking my butt.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Church stuff
Phillip recently ordered the book The Present Future: Six Tough Questions for the Church by Reggie McNeal. I started reading it yesterday. Anyway, I just wanted to post a few quotes from the book that I thought were particularly challenging. I'm sure as I keep reading in it, I'll have more things to post about it.
"As He hung on the cross Jesus probably never thought the impact of His sacrifice would be reduced to an invitation for people to join and to support an institution." (1)
"Many church members feel they have been sold a bill of goods. They were promised that if they would be a good church member, if they would rediscover their gifts, or join a small group, sign up for a church ministry, give to the buliding program, lean to clap or dance in worship, or attend this or that, they would experience a full and meaningful life. Trouble is, we don't have much evidence to support the assumption that all this church activity has produced more mature followers of Christ." (8)
"In North America, these people have been led to believe that their Christian life is all about the church, so this failure of the church not only creates doubt about the church, it also leads them to all kinds of doubt about God and their relationship with Him." (8)
"As He hung on the cross Jesus probably never thought the impact of His sacrifice would be reduced to an invitation for people to join and to support an institution." (1)
"Many church members feel they have been sold a bill of goods. They were promised that if they would be a good church member, if they would rediscover their gifts, or join a small group, sign up for a church ministry, give to the buliding program, lean to clap or dance in worship, or attend this or that, they would experience a full and meaningful life. Trouble is, we don't have much evidence to support the assumption that all this church activity has produced more mature followers of Christ." (8)
"In North America, these people have been led to believe that their Christian life is all about the church, so this failure of the church not only creates doubt about the church, it also leads them to all kinds of doubt about God and their relationship with Him." (8)
This is the one
I've made up my mind about the harmonica thing. This is the one.
Children's Beginning Harmonica
This is the perfect beginner's harmonica!
At 6 1/2" long and 2 1/4" wide, this children's harmonica by Playwell is easy to hold onto and easy to play! Diatonic harmonica has 16 tones.
Age: from 3 years
Children's Beginning Harmonica
This is the perfect beginner's harmonica!
At 6 1/2" long and 2 1/4" wide, this children's harmonica by Playwell is easy to hold onto and easy to play! Diatonic harmonica has 16 tones.
Age: from 3 years
Harmonica
I think I want to try to learn to play the harmonica. I had one a long time ago in Intermediate School and I thought I was good then, but I'm sure I really stunk. I wonder if it's a difficult "instrument" to learn. Are there any harmonica players out there who read this who can tell me if it's worth trying. I guess anything's worth trying. I also have been wanting to learn to play Bass guitar. But Bass guitars are much more expensive than harmonicas.
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