Girl...Boy....what difference does it make?

Well, as you may have read a few days ago, I've been questioning whether or not we should have requested a girl. And after talking about it, Phillip and I decided that we really, really don't care. So, I called the agency yesterday and told them that they can start looking for either girls or boys for us. So, we'll have some pink things to put away if a boy comes along but that's fine. If we get a boy this time around, I hope we can get a girl down the road. We've got lots of boy clothes in the attic that I can get down and wash. So, anyway, just thought I'd let you know.

Baby for the weekend, Part II

I have another chance to get my baby fix for a little while. Which is good because my fix from "the temp" has worn off and I'm getting anxious again for the phone call. We will have a little kiddo from Thursday until Saturday evening. This one is not a foster child. He's a friend of the family's baby. His belly is HUGE!! Right now he's taking a nap, so I'm going to try and squeeze a nap in as well.

Not so groovy

The Phil Collins song Groovy Kind of Love has been bouncing around in my head for a few days now. It will go away and then all of a sudden, I catch myself humming it or whistling it again. I have no idea why. There must be some other tune or something that's somewhat similar that's triggering that in my head.

What to do....what to do.....

As some of you know, we are waiting and waiting for a foster/adopt placement. We've been able to accept placements for three months now and still nothing. We figured since we could choose a gender, we would go for a girl. We had no reason to believe it would take any longer to get a girl than a boy. They are usually equally "available." But apparently every infant that has come along, has either been a boy or part of a sibling group that they are wanting to keep together. And it seems that the longer we wait, the more I wonder if we (I) have made a mistake reqesting a girl. Phillip never cared. I pretty much talked him into the girl thing. And I am beginning to seriously second guess myself. If they came over right now with a baby boy, we'd glady take him. Neither one of us really care a whole lot. I know I want a girl someday. But I'm just beginning to wonder if now is just not the time for that. I don't know. I don't think we should stick to our guns just simply because we have some girly things in the nursery that we'd rather not put away or replace. That doesn't seem like a good reason. Anyway, I've really been in some turmoil over this the last couple of weeks. Am I just getting impatient? I just don't know.

House Cleaning Tunes

My mom and Jackson are spending the day together so I'm taking the day to clean the house. Anyway, I like to listen to music while I clean to make the experience more bearable. Today I chose Robbie Seay Band's Ten Thousand Charms. Out of their cds that I've heard, I think this one is their best one. Anyway, I wanted to take a break from cleaning to just put the lyrics to one of the songs on here.

Peace

calmer than the sky
far away so blue
land of living God
grant your peace on earth

we can feel you move
and cannot stay the same
the winds are blowing strong
God of heaven come

breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God

if we are in the way
move us to the side
God forgive our wrongs
rest your hands on us

all the world is yours
let us not forget
it was you who bore the cross
God of comfort breathe

breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God

Funeral Fun

This evening we went to Phillip’s parent’s house for a little while. While we were there, we got to talking about funerals and how we would want our funerals to be and that kind of thing. Donald, Phillip’s dad, preached two funerals today and that’s kind of what brought the topic up. Anyway, Donald had some pretty funny things to say about how he wants his funeral to be. First of all, he wants to preach his own funeral because he’s pretty sure that nobody else could do as good of a job. I guess that would mean recording himself doing his own eulogy. I just think the idea of that is so funny. But he said that he would have to redo it every few years just to keep it current. Also, he doesn’t want to be laid in a casket. He wants to be stood upright in front of everybody. That’s just gross. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen.

Somewhat along the same lines, several years ago Phillip and I came up with a great idea for a funeral home business. The slogan would be “We put the FUN in funeral.” And we could offer clown makeup for the deceased and have jugglers or whatever. Maybe instead of a hearse we could try to cram the casket into a VW Beetle. Most funerals are just too dang somber. I think in our original conversation about this, one of us said, “We could make a killin’.” Ok, that’s just tacky.

So, I’ve been thinking this evening about what I would want my funeral to look like. I’m not planning on going belly up any time soon, but it’s something worth thinking about. Now keep in mind, this is the 28 year old me saying all of this. When I’m 85 I may not feel the same way about some of this stuff. First of all, it must be casual. No stuffy suits or panty hose. And I’m debating about whether or not I would want to be cremated. I found out this evening that a plot at Restwood is about $4,000.00 and that’s just ridiculous. Out of principle, I just don’t think I would want them to get that much money to bury me in the ground. But whatever, if my family wants to blow the life insurance, who am I to stop them? But I really think an open casket would be a bad idea. I’m extremely pale while alive and I just can’t imagine how ghastly I would look without any blood running through my veins. But again, I guess that would be up to my family. I’m not going to be looking at me. Maybe some people could tell some stories about some funny things I have done or said over the years. I was trying to think about what kind of music I would want and I’m still not real sure about that. I’m think maybe The Mambo King sound track at the beginning while everyone is coming in and finding their seats. And I think the Veggie Tales hit, “His Cheeseburger” would be a good one as people are leaving. No real reason why. Just to make them wonder, that’s all. So, anyway, that’s about all I’ve got right now.

Seriously, though, I hope to live until I’m an old woman. But not old enough to be incontinent and senile. I hope I die before that happens. I hope I live long enough to meet my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I hope I live long enough for hours and hours worth of stories.

Advice

What is some of the best advice you've ever gotten? Here's a few words of wisdom that I have gotten here and there over the years.

- Don't make major life decisions right in the middle of tragedy or very emotional times.
- Always say "thank you" when someone pays you a complement even if you don't think you deserve it.
- Find something you're good at doing and do more of it.
- You can't spoil a baby. They're only little for a little while so hold them while you can.
- Don't be grumpy.
- Something funny can be found in just about every situation.
- Remove the word "divorce" from your vocabulary.

Oh, Tom

Jackson has discovered Tom and Jerry cartoons. He loves them. He laughs so hard he almost quits breathing. I don't get what's so funny about them but whatever. Atleast it's getting his mind off of Star Wars for a little while. He really likes the part at the very beginning where Tom takes the place of the roaring lion and meows a couple of times. Jackson's got the meow down pretty good. Sometimes while Jackson is watching it, he'll just say, "Oh, Tom."

I HATE going to the grocery store

Do some people actually enjoy grocery shopping? Do some people feel a rush as they whip through the aisles comparing prices and finding just the right item to complete their evening meal? When I go to the grocery store, I want to get in and out of there as quickly as possible. I rarely make eye contact and if I do, I give a half hearted smile because I know we are sharing the same agony. I can usually get in and out of the store in about 15-20 imnutes and drop around $50 bucks doing it. Sure, I forget stuff and have to go back to get two or three things a couple of days later. And I'm probably drawing out my agony by not taking my time and getting enough groceries for two weeks. But at the time it's all happening, I just have to get in and get out.

But it really seems that every time I go to the store there are lots of people just taking their sweet time meandering through the store or stopping right in the middle of everything just to stare off into space or tie their shoes or make small talk. It seems like every time I go I'm surrounded by people who are completely obvlious to the fact that there are other people who would like to buy some stuff too. I try to wait patiently for the woman and her 80 year old father and her three kids to pick out the perfect bell pepper. I really do. But inside I'm thinking "What's the matter with you??!! Come on people, just grab a stinking pepper!! They're all basically the same!!!" All the while looking patient and calm and smiling if necessary.

I just went to the store....twice within 30 minutes. I left my wallet in the basket and had to go back for it. Yeah, there are drawbacks to trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Something to pray about

We got a call yesterday about a legal risk placement. What that means basically is that the plan for the child is to place her with a family who wants to adopt. But the reason it is called legal risk placement is because the rights are not yet terminated, but the plan is for termination to happen. Anyway, our home study is being submitted (along with many many others) for this particular baby. This baby has not yet been born. We are really not getting our hopes up because our agency said there could possibly be 100 home studies submitted for this one child. Some panel of people will narrow it down to several families and then an advocate for those families will present them as a potential family for this child. Then they will choose a family based on who knows what. Anyway, just thought some of you might want to know about it. We really just want the child that is supposed to be ours. And it is very likely that this is not the one. But right now there's a little baby girl who will be taken from her birth mother as soon as she is born and placed with a family like us. So, just pray that that baby goes where God wants her to go and that our baby finds her way to us.

I'm beginning to put an album together on shutterfly just in case we are in the running once they narrow it down. Shutterfly has a really cool tool on their site to make a photo book. There are lots of different background, font, layout choices. I made one a month ago and they have improved it a LOT since then.

Fun at the pool

We went to a pool party this evening. As you can tell from these pictures, Jackson had a good time. We left early.

More pictures of Jackson

I took some pictures of Jackson today at MacLean Park. I'm trying to practice a little with posed shots. Most of the pictures I take of him are just candid. I'm going to be taking some pictures of some adults and teenagers for this ministry thing that our church is doing. I have done almost no adult photography so we'll see how it goes. I've taken a few already and they have turned out pretty good. We're thinking about investing in Photoshop and maybe even a nicer camera down the road.

I would kind of like to get some practice at taking pictures of adults and families and stuff so if any of you guys would like me to get some pictures of your kids or family, I'd be glad to. Who knows if they will turn out or not. But I'd love to try.

I'm back

Man, I have thoroughly neglected this blog lately. I got over my little illness a few days ago so I have no excuse. I really believe that Zicam actually kept me from getting sicker than I did. It was still a pretty rough few days.

Anyway, on to other things.

Last Sunday evening (over a week ago) before I started feeling like garbage, we went to a church in Pearland. We had been there once before and I'm sure we'll go back. Jackson really had a good time. I learned a couple of things that night.

First of all, the pastor talked about idol worship. And I know all about putting stuff, jobs, people, whatever above God. I know that this is essentially worshipping those things instead of God. But I hadn't really thought too much about that being a problem in my life. Sure, I put my time, thoughts, money, talents, etc. into many other areas. But I don't lay prostrate in reverence to these things. I don't chant and burn incense hoping to gain favor with the god of family, friends, work, whatever.

The pastor talked about how we have our own little "self perceived hells." Like driving this crappy car is "hell." Or living in this little old house is "hell." Or only having one child and not being able to have anymore.... is "hell." So, anyway, we have these hells in our lives and then we consume ourselves thinking about the thing(s) that could save us from this hell. We make jobs, cars, stuff, people our "savior" instead of Jesus.

Anyway, he asked some questions just to help us think about what we may be putting before God. I don't remember very many of them, but here are a few.

- What do you spend most of your time thinking about?
- What do you talk about to people?
- How do you identifiy yourself?
- What do you complain the most about?
- What do you want more than anything else?

So then, if we attain the thing or solve the problem that will get us out of our "hell" then we just move on and discover another "hell" that we need saving from. I have known for some time that I tend to put my family above God. And not only that, but I have pretty much told God that he can take anything else from me...but they are off limits and He better back off. My anticipated hell is loosing the two people in this world I am convinced I cannot live without. And I worry about that a lot. I also have really been putting this "imaginary" baby who we don't even know yet above God. That baby has already claimed a good bit of my time, worry, and money and she may not even be born yet. How crazy is that? So, anyway, I'm really trying to focus my energies and thoughts away from my fears about what my family may or may not become and just be grateful for what God has given me.

Ok, so secondly, Phillip and I discovered that kids don't care much about the fluff that parents care about. Let me explain. I took Jackson into the children's area of this church and I didn't see any cool toys. Last time we went to this church I didn't leave Jack in the nursery because it didn't look like a lot of fun to me. The church we are currently members of have a fully equipped children's area. So anyway, this last time we went to the church in Pearland I left Jack anyway. I figured even if he didn't have any fun atleast he would be out of my hair for an hour. But much to my surprise, he had a blast. He didn't care one bit that there weren't toys to play with. They played games, pretended, colored, all kinds of stuff. He wants to go back. It's just funny to realize that so much of the stuff that churches provide for the children is really for the parents. It's our superficial desires that are being catered to.

Ok, I'm off to watch some of last season's episodes of The Office.