What is it that makes us unique? What is it that sets our lives apart from everybody else's lives?

I've been trying to figure out why it is that I've had to know some of the experiences that I have known. Is it sin? Some of it, sure. Bad decisions by me or someone else? Yes, that too. But some things just seem to happen for no real reason at all. Is God just sitting around searching the earth looking for someone to dump something on? We know that He is not. Does God cause "bad things" to happen? Maybe, I don't know for sure that He doesn't. Does He allow "bad things" to happen? I guess so. But the thing is that He is God. And I'm not saying that He does cause or allow things to happen, but so what if He does? He's God, and who am I to question what He is doing?

Rather than sit around and get ticked off by what I've had to "deal with" in my life, I am trying to take a different approach here. He has given me this life and everything that makes this life mine. I have unique gifts, blessings, and burdens that are my own, given to me or maybe chosen for me by my Creator. He knows what I need to bring out the parts of me that must be brought out. He knows what must be done to me, in me, and around me to bring out my hidden talents, trapped compassions, unknown desires, and untapped knowledge. He alone knows what this life He has given me is really for. I do not believe that our lives are a game to God. I do not believe that we are His pawns to see what He can do to us, to see how far He can push us until we crack. Ultimately our goal in this earthly life is Heaven. But I don't really think that our lives here on earth are a test as I have heard people say before. That sounds to me like God is toying with us and I know that He is not. Now that is not to say that God doesn't test us from time to time. He does, but there is much more to our lives than that. We are here for a grand purpose. We are given situations and experiences that make us who we need to be to serve our Master in a more selfless way.

My life on this earth is not over, not by a long shot I hope. And I look forward with anticipation to see what else God will do in my life to set me apart. I look forward to seeing how I will be refined for His purpose. I welcome whatever else God sees fit to add to my job description. Bring it on! I'm ready! And for the times when I am not ready, that is when He will show Himself to me in ways I never could have imagined.

Nonsense

I used to write poetry in intermediate and high school. Most of it was goofy about the woe is me of relationship type stuff. Anyway, I've been trying to find this book that I wrote some of them down in and I finally came across it. One of the poems that I wrote in high school is kind of cool. It really doesn't mean much of anything so don't try to find or create some hidden meaning in it. I was just in history class one day bored and not paying attention and started writing some stuff down that sounded cool together. I was just kind of looking around the room and writing what came to me. There was a flag in the room, someone was wearing red shoes, someone was sleeping, etc. Anyway, here's a blast from my past. Remember as you read this, I was about 17.

They stole the path to Eden,
Believed in only you,
Pushed moons aside to make ammends,
And stole the souls of many men.
Lesser the lives are almost crossed,
Liars live in fear,
The flag waves under the blue beyond,
In my little world I wish you lived.
The steps on the front of the house are chipped,
Red shoes of time are growing still beneath the rows of linen sheets,
And little hands make brown doors creak,
While the wind sleeps slowly in my mind.

Saxophone shaped void

I used to play the saxophone. I started out on Alto Sax in 6th grade and played Alto until my sophomore year of highschool when I switched to Tenor. I played Tenor Sax through three years of college in jazz band and concert band as well as a little combo at Brazosport College called The Coasters (super cheesy group by the way).

I was not spectacular, but I was good enough. I enjoyed it and for many years being a "saxophone player" was very much a part of who I was. I know that's stupid to identify with an object, but some of you can probably relate in one way or another. Anyway, I had a really nice horn. A pro model Yamaha that cost quite a bit of money, more money than probably should have been spent. But after Jack was born, we had to sell it. I didn't want to but we were struggling financially as so many young couples do and it seemed silly to keep it. Phillip had to do the act of selling it because I would not have been able to do it without becoming a blubbering mess in public. To part with that piece of metal was truly heartbreaking.

I hope to get another one someday. I'll never be able to afford the kind of horn I had, but I'm thinking I'd like to get an old vintage one that needs some work. I need one with character. I need one with some dings and scrapes. I need one that has been used for longer than it was intended and have it restored back to a functional existance. I don't think I could identify with a beautiful brand new instrument anymore. It would feel good to play again someday.

Celebrity Baby Naming Catastrophes

When you name a child, I think there are a few things you should have in mind.

1. Does it sound nice?
2. Does it have a flattering meaning?
3. Will the kid be made fun of because of this name?
4. Will he resent you the REST OF HIS LIFE because of the name you chose?

Ok, with that in mind, here are some names that some celebrities have chosen for their offspring.

Penn of Penn & Teller - Moxie Crimefighter Jillette
Jason Lee - Pilot Inspektor (yes, that's Inspektor, not Inspector)
Shannyn Sossamon of "A Knight's Tale" - Audioscience
Rachel Griffith of "Six Feet Under" - Banjo

It's a good thing that these chldren are all rich and can basically "buy" the friendships of others.

Embrace

Verb. To clasp or hold firmly with the arms; to cling to; to surround or enclose; to take up willingly or eagerly; to accept or submit to

Embrace your life, but know that it is not yours.
Embrace your husband, but give him room to breathe.
Embrace your children, but let them learn to fall.
Embrace your pain, but let it wither.
Embrace your joy, but know that it may be paired with grief.
Embrace your talent, but recognize who gave it to you.
Embrace your faults, but be eager to improve.
Embrace God and He will embrace the rest.

My child is Nuts!

Jackson came into the kitchen yesterday very proud of himself. He had somehow stuck his little Pooh figurine and his Tigger figurine together. Tigger's arms were sort of stuck between the legs of the Pooh figurine. Anyway, he said, "Look at this. Tigger's holding on to Pooh's boulders!" I'll let you figure out what "boulders" are.

Memorial Service: part 2

We had the memorial service today for the babies. Phillip, Kristin, and I did the music for it. It was tough. But God showed up and I believe lives were blessed. Tommy and my father-in-law spoke. To have people that we love and that love us participate in this part of our lives is an amazing thing. I believe the great joys and sorrows of life are what build relationships and I'm so grateful to have so many people willing to share in this sorrow with us. I would like to share something with you that I wrote to our babies. Tommy read this today at the service because I would not have been able to do it.


You are the one we lost first. You seem lost to me more than the others. I never heard your heartbeat but I know that it beat just the same. You were a surprise that we didn’t feel ready for. I cried when I found out you were coming and I cried much more when I found out you were not. But our anticipation turned into excitement. Our fear turned to longing. We didn’t know how badly we wanted you until you were gone. You taught me to accept things we cannot change.

You were the child we planned on having. The timing was right and we were very excited. We lost you a week before Christmas, a week before the snow. The snow covered the pain for a little while, but eventually melted away. We found out after we lost you that you were a little girl. Would you have been Daddy’s girl? Would you have been the princess of our house? I would have braided your hair and your brother would have pulled it. You taught me that God will find us in the pit of despair and give us joy where we didn’t know joy could exist.

Evan, you were another sweet surprise. We were scared from the beginning that we would never get to hold you. We thought we were losing you many times before we finally did. But you were strong and your precious heartbeat filled us with hope time and time again. So many people fought to save your life. We did get to hold you, but it was before we wanted to. I will never forget how beautiful you were. In you we find some of our sweetest and most heartbreaking memories. You were so very wanted. You taught us that God shows His love through people. You taught us that God is a masterful Creator. And you taught us that we don’t have to understand God to know God.

All of you briefly came into our lives and changed us forever. Your impact was great even though your lives on this earth were so short lived. I am grateful for each one of you. I have no regrets.


To those of you who came, thank you. To those of you who prayed, thank you. We know that we are loved.

Memorial Service

Phillip and I have decided to have a joint Memorial Service for the three babies we have lost in the last 15 months. We need some closure on this whole chapter in our lives and we felt this was the best way for us to achieve that. We will be having a short and casual Service on Saturday, July 9th @11:30 @ The Pregnancy Help Center. The address is 327 Garland Drive in Lake Jackson. Anyone who is interested in coming is more than welcome.