Christmas '05

We had a really good Christmas. Jack got more stuff than any kid could need and he had a blast. Here are a few pictures for you to check out. Phillip has more pictures on his blog.


This is a picture of Jackson kind of wearing his Spiderman mask. He says that it's hard to breathe in so he pulls it up like this. It looks kind of like a bonnet. By the way, I tried the mask on and wore it for a little while and it's not really hard to breathe in at all. Just in case you were curious.


This is Jackson looking very excited about his wiki stix. Debbie bought him like 50 of them or something. They are staying at Nana and Granddad's house. I'm not a big wiki stix fan.


I stole Jack's remote control Jeep. It's pretty cool.

It's been a while

We spent part of this evening with my oldest sister and her two grown sons. The live in Alabama and I haven't seen my sister in over five years and I haven't seen one of my nephews in about 10 years. My sister and I haven't even spoken on the phone since right before Jackson was born 3 1/2 years ago. We haven't really been angry with each other or anything. We just don't really know one another and there's no real relationship. I was really pretty annoyed when I found out she was coming for a visit. I just thought it was weird after all these years that I was going to be seeing her again. I don't like being fake nice. And I knew I wouldn't have anything significant to say to her.

But anyway, the visit was fine. It wasn't that weird at all. I didn't even have to be fake nice. It was good to see them. It's just so strange to see my nephews as grown men. It's really a shame that we weren't all more a part of each other's lives. I think it's kind of too late now to try and build any meaningful relationships with them. But I guess many of the relationships I have with extended family are kind of superficial.

I'm not talking about the ones of you that bother reading my blog. You see the real me, I'm afraid.

Narnia book

We have this little easy reader book for Jack with pictures from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe movie. Anyway, Phillip asked Jack tonight if he wanted to read "The Narnia book." And Jack said, "It's actually called the Chronicles of Narnia." Phillip asked him where he heard that and he said he just made it up (not true of course). Then he said something like, "Well, actually I like to say it like that now." The word "actually" actually comes out something like "akshawy." He also likes to say, "in fact" from time to time. Little nerd.

Raw Cookie Dough

Family and coworkers, prepare to be stunned.

After all my warnings, rantings, and disapproving looks... After years of insistence that no one should eat raw cookie dough, I just gave some to my son. Yes, I let him eat raw cookie dough. Not much, just a couple of bites. It specifically says on the package, "Bake before consuming." And I gave him some anyway. And he loved it. He wanted more and I told him it wasn't good for his tummy.

My (irrational) fear of eating raw cookie dough comes from my(irrational) fear of possible salmonella in raw eggs, which is destryed during the cooking process. This is also why I'm really grossed out by handling raw chicken. But as you are probably thinking and as many people have told me repeatedly, "I've been eating raw cookie dough for years and I've never gotten sick." And so, here in typed print, I will admit there's probably nothing wrong with eating a little bit of it occasionally.

If some of my family (you know who you are) now think it's perfectly ok to fill Jack's belly with gobs of it, this is not the case. I still don't really think it's a great idea to eat it. And I will still choose not to eat it myself. But if he eats a little bit once in a while, I guess it's ok.

Now really all this means is that I'm giving you my permission to do something that you would do or have already done anyway.

Cookie Party

Jackson got invited to a cookie making party by a little girl in his class at school. According to Jackson, she is his "best friend." There are seven boys in his class and only one girl and she's the one he wants to play with all the time. Anyway, this party is Wednesday morning and I have to work. So I think Phillip should take him to the party. If he did, he would likely be the only daddy there. It would mostly be chatty, loud women and they would probably really get on his nerves. And he would have to make himself be nice. But I think he should take him anyway. What do you think? Keep in mind, no one can talk Phillip into acutally doing this. Personally, I wouldn't want to go either. For the most part, women annoy me.

My Son, the Donkey

Jackson's Preschool Christmas Program was this morning. He was a donkey. He stood up there with his chin to his chest, shrugging his shoulders (for some reason) the whole time. He didn't cry, which is good. But he also didn't sing or even make eye contact with anyone. But he was cute. He has been crying in all the practices they have had in the last couple of weeks so I didn't really know what to expect. I'm debating putting this picture on Christmas cards but I'm not sure anybody would know what he is supposed to be. It looks like he only has one ear.

bugging daddy

Here's another kind of funny picture. Our camera really stinks, but the pictures look much better in black and white. Jackson likes to get on Phillip's back like this sometimes. Phillip doesn't really like it. I don't imagine it feels great on his back. Jack weighs about 40 lbs. now.

Three year olds and pacifiers

I took this picture of Jackson a few weeks ago. I've been meaning to post it and I just kept forgetting. He came across one of his old pacifiers in a bag of baby stuff. He didn't know what to do with it. He didn't even know what it was. I washed it for him and anyway, he popped it in his mouth and I took a picture. He wanted to take a nap with it. I drew the line there. I won't have my three year old getting attached to a binky. He hasn't used one since he was about 9 months old. It's a pretty cool picture, though. Notice the piles of laundry in the background. Somewhat typical, I'm afraid.

We forked Erin's house

Ok, since she already knows it was me, (along with some other people) I figured I would post the picture on my blog. Friday night myself and some other crazy women went and forked Erin Martin's house. She was having a grown up slumber party at her house so we thought we should do something juvenile to make it more authentic. The picture is not very good, but it's all I got. (And, yes, I realize that is incorrect grammar to all those grammar police out there.)

We used about 400 plastic forks or so. That's just a guess. Oh, yeah, and a few knives. She only knows three of the six culprits and I am not going to rat them out. But I know she saved the forks for some other occasion. I'm pretty sure she isn't saving them for Christmas dinner.

Someone got pulled over!

I hear that someone I know got pulled over today on the way to work. You know who you are. So, did you get a ticket? You can't hide in this town. Someone is always watching.

Concert Pet Peeves

Phillip had his Christmas concert tonight with the High School Orchestra. The L.J.I. orchestra also performed. So my mom and I went in and found good seats right in the middle not too close to anybody. And a few minutes after we sat down two different families with small children came and sat right behind us. Kids are cool and all but there are just some places that kids really shouldn't be brought to in my opinion. And some of it depends on the kid. But man, there was this kid right behind me about 6 years old or so and he was driving me nuts. He was talking way above a whisper, kicking the back of my chair (which makes my blood boil), standing up right behind me, etc. The adults that were with him kept telling him to be quiet but of course it did not work. So I'm trying to think of the things I could do to get this kid to shut up. I wasn't really considering doing any of these things but you know, ideas just run through your head. I could:

A. turn around and smack the kid
B. turn around and smack the kid's mom
C. politely ask them to keep it down
D. turn around and glare at them (which I did once)
E. move to a different seat while the groups were switching out

I decided that once the Intermediate School was done we would just move to keep myself from doing anything I would later regret. But thankfully after the Intermediate School was done that family left, which leads into another pet peeve. People were just getting up all through out the concert, coming in and going out. Right in the middle of the pieces. That is so rude! And if you go to a concert shouldn't you respect all the groups performing enough to stay through them? I was there at the beginning to listen to the not-so-great Intermediate School groups. Shouldn't they have the courtesy to stay and listen to the other groups? Oh well, whatever. I'm just glad that family with that bratty kid left.

Phillip did a good job by the way.

Different Voice, Different Color

As Phillip wrote on his blog, we rented March of the Penguins for Jack to watch. It was very cool. I liked it alot. But anyway, while I was watching it with Jackson on Sunday afternoon, Jack said, "Who is that guy?" I asked him what guy he was talking about. And he said, "The guy that's talkig." The movie is narrated by Morgan Freeman, who is a pretty cool African American actor with a very distinct voice. There's a picture of him just in case you're really bad about putting names with faces like I am.



Anyway, I told Jack that the man's name is Morgan Freeman. Then Jackson asked, "Is his skin the same color like ours?" Now keep in mind, Morgan Freeman narrates the movie. You never see him. I thought it was really weird. This is the first comment I've ever heard him make regarding different skin color. I told him that his skin is not the same color as ours and that his skin is brown. I asked Jack why he asked if his skin was the same color as ours and he said he didn't know. I'm wondering if he saw him on a commercial or something and remembered his voice. Or could Jack detect something in his voice or the way he speaks that sounded different from ours? Anyway, it was just kind of an interesting question for him to ask. I wish I knew what goes on in his head.

Need Christmas Cards?

Hey if you're looking for someone to make some photo (or non-photo) Christmas cards or other kind of cards/invitations I have a friend who's starting up a small business doing just that. Here is a link to her website. She also does web page design. I better get moving and figure out what we're going to do for Christmas cards this year. And, hey, Mindy, I am not doing this for a discount!! Don't hold your breath about getting any business from my blog, but hey, it can't hurt.

Ok, this is really making me mad. My thing that lets me say what time it is is gone. It will probably put some ridiculous time on here like 3:00 a.m. Phillip, fix it!

Snakes and Strangers

The other night at dinner we had a very important discussion with Jackson about the dangers of snakes. Then I figured since we were on the subject of being careful, I'd go into the stranger talk as well. Jackson stated mind blowing comments such as, "Do nice snakes talk?", "Can we get a snake?", "There are strangers on Toy Story." (he was confusing the word stranger with the word soldier). "I would beat a stranger up." There were other things he said that were pretty funny. I can't remember them now. I think he understands not to touch a snake and to go get a grown up if you see one. But I'm not sure he gets the whole stranger thing. We'll address it again in a few months.

(Where in the world is my time and date thing?)

God's will

How do we even know what the will of God is anyway? Sure, we can feel a sense of peace. We can feel discontent. We can know for certain that some things are against God's will just because it contradicts commands that have been given in the Bible. But when people get involved, which we are most of the time, we screw up the will of God like crazy. We can feel a false sense of peace or a false discontent. As Phillip said, "People are wildcards." We pray for God's will to be done and then assume that it will be just because we prayed it. And then we assume that if something weird or flat out bad happens, it must have been God's will because that's what we prayed for. When all the while, the very people who are praying that God's will be done are the ones keeping it from being so. Can God ultimately do anything he wants to? Of course. But we have free will to make terrible and wacky decisions all day long and then turn around and claim the outcome was desired by God. I've done it. You've done it. Just the phrase, "It wasn't in God's will" really gets to me. Who are we to claim that we know the will of the Almighty God of this universe? The more I learn about God, the more I realize I can't figure Him out. How does He put up with us anyway?

Pete, are you a Mormon?

I am shopping for clothing for Pete (Jack's bear) for Christmas on the Build A Bear Website. And lo and behold I came across a Mormon outfit complete with the Book of Mormon. No, I am NOT joking. Here's a picture and the caption. Check it out. For a mere $12.00, we can turn Pete into a Mormon. Notice in the caption below, there is a play Book of Mormon. Doesn't that sound like such fun?


Outfit includes white oxford shirt with
attached black tie and name badge, black
pants and play The Book of Mormon.

The Zoo and Long-haired Rebels

I haven't written in quite a while. I just haven't had anything I felt was relevant enough to write about. Not that much of what I write is terribly relevant anyway. But if I'm going to bother having this blog I need to write more than once a week.

So anyway, we went to the Houston Zoo on Tuesday. The weather was pretty nice and we had a good time and spent too much money. We brought our stroller for Jackson and he looked ridiculous in it. He's huge. But it's a good thing we brought it because we had to strap his little rear in it a few times just to keep him from running off. I was standing next to some cow in the children's zoo area and the thing must have peed for a minute straight. It was crazy.

While we were there I think I might have accidentally offended a group of Pentecostal women. Or maybe I just offended one of them. I don't know. She said (rather loud and in my direction), "That woman better stop giving me dirty looks and shaking her head at me. We're about to have words." I don't recall shaking my head at her or giving her dirty looks. But who knows. I probably did look at them a little funny. Two of the women that were with them had the long pulled back hair but they were wearing jeans. And I was just a little confused. I was probably thinking, "Have they fallen astray? Are they rebels? Maybe they're part of a more contemporary sect." Maybe my confusion looked like contempt. Either way, I was probably being rude. Oh well, I could have taken her if I had to.

Well, here's some pictures from our day at the zoo. I didn't get any pictures of my Pentecostal friends.

Adoption Workshop Part 2

Ok, so some of you have asked if the workshop was good and what we thought about it and stuff. It was really good. We are both very glad that we went. We learned a lot of good information about the adoption process. We both left feeling like we just wanted to get several kids from various Countries. But we are trying to act on what God wants us to do rather than raw emotion.

We learned about funding an adoption. Adopting from Korea and China is a cost of about $15,000. But there are financial assistance options available. They told us to think of the money as a ransom rather than a cost or a price. I thought that was a great way to think about it. They also talked about how adoption is evalgalism at its core, which I had never thought about before. If these children are not brought into loving, Christian homes they may never hear the truth about Jesus Christ. Phillip wrote in his blog what he thought about the whole thing too if you want to read that.

We went hoping to gain information that we or someone else could use. We left with an overwhelming burden that there is a child or will be a child that needs us. It will be neat to see what happens over the next year or two in our lives. By the way, thanks for praying.

Adoption Workshop

Phillip and I are going to this workshop on Saturday. We are still kind of unsure of the direction that we need to go. We want to have high hopes for our future family but it is difficult for us to think positively. We hope to gain useful information at this workshop. We both think that adoption may be a very real part of our future some day. If you think about it, please pray for us and the other couples that will be there that day. Many people who consider adoption have had many years of pain that lead them to that decision. We will be in a room filled with pain and hope. Thanks.

Impeccable Taste

I pretty much trust Phillip's opinion when it comes to music. He has not steered me wrong yet. He has turned me on to such artists as Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Radiohead, Coldplay, Beck, Miles Davis, and many, many others. (You may sense that there is a BIG BUT coming.) But....he's gotten a few CDs lately that I'm seriously not too sure about. One of the CDs he gotten recently is some weirdo Icelandic, no-word, Enya sounding music. Really, I can't believe he likes it. I'm trying to give it a chance because, like I said, I trust his musical taste. But I'm wondering if he's slipping. I mean you can't have 100% impeccable taste in something, can you? I think he's trying to broaden his horizons or something. Maybe I'll end up liking it. Who knows. I have ended up liking The White Stripes and The Flaming Lips and they're pretty weird.

Nuns and Ponies...Told ya

On our little shopping trip this weekend, somehow the subject of miniature ponies came up. And I said something about a "nun farm" that raised miniature ponies. Mary Margaret did not believe that there is such a place. Well, Mary, here you go.

Monastery Miniature Horses

Here's a picture!

Shopping Trip

Friday morning I'll be going to San Marcos with Kristin Hederson, Mary Margaret Mitterling, and Kim Piland. We're going on a shopping trip to some huge outlet mall thing. I've never been there before but they tell me it's pretty cool. I'm not a pro shopper like they probably are. I'll probably be finding a bench to hang out on here and there. But it will be fun. I hope we find a couple of really good places to eat. We'll be coming back Saturday. I've never really gone away with "the girls" before. I need to find a cheasy Christmas present for Phillip. It should be fun. I could use a little time away.

Roots

Do not judge me by the color of my roots. Yes, my roots may be darker than the rest of my hair. And yes, I am aware that people may notice the color of my roots. I have made a decision not to further damage the integrity of my roots by telling them they need to be a lighter color. I will NOT be isolated, manipulated, degradated, annihilated, deprivated, or arbitrated because of my root color. My roots are beautiful.

My Holy Discontent

This week Greg talked about “Holy Discontent” (h.d. from this point on), which is like a restlessness about something that you feel should change, or be improved upon, something that kind of nags at your heart and you can’t seem to get it too far out of your mind. Not just some selfish desire, or worry, but something put in us by God. We all have different h.ds.

I have known what mine is for some time now, I just didn’t exactly know what to call it.

Very specifically, my h.d. is knowing that there are women out there right now in my community and probably even in my church who are going through terrifying, high-risk pregnancies and/or pregnancy loss....completely alone or unsupported.

I wish I knew who they were. I wish I could cry and pray with them. I wish I could go to the hospital with them and sit in the waiting room with them while they find out if they are indeed going to loose their babies. I wish I could pull them out of bed and make them put on some lipstick and go shopping. I wish...I wish...I wish.

In more general terms, my h.d. is knowing that there are all kinds of people out there right now in my community and my church going through various kinds of life traumas....completely alone or unsupported.

If I feel this passionately about being there for women in similar situations that I’ve been through, I know there are other people out there who would love to be given the opportunity to support others who are going through things that they have dealt with. Cancer, divorce, sexual abuse, loss of a parent, loss of a spouse, other things I can’t even think of.

I don’t know Cancer. I can’t do much for someone who does, except pray and listen. But I know what I know and I would drop just about anything in a heartbeat if I was needed to help a woman in that kind of crisis.

Does our church need some kind of network of trusted, Godly people to be called upon when needed if a certain kind of situation arises? Do we need to take a “bone marrow” approach by asking people to be willing to donate their time and love if a match is made? I don’t know what needs to be done. All I know is that somewhere right now a woman is facing the loss of her child and she needs me, or someone like me, and I’m not there because I don’t know who she is.

And that breaks my heart.

The way I think about this whole h.d. thing is like a dog in a hot car with the windows rolled up. At first the dog will just be a little uncomfortable, then he’ll start to get nervous. Then he’ll start to panic. And for those few minutes that dog will fight harder to get out of that car than he has fought for anything in his life. And then he will get weak. He will begin to die.

I’m afraid my h.d. is starting to get weak. It was very strong right after we lost Evan. It feels strong now as I type this. But it does not consume me the way it once did.

Maybe that’s a good thing and maybe it’s not. I don’t want that dog to die.

Mealtime at the Hintze House

For the most part, Jackson is a very easy child. He's fairly obedient, not terribly rowdy, very affectionate and funny....I could go on and on.

But, mealtime is challenging, to say the least. He has never really been a good eater, so this is nothing new. When he was 2 or so, he would take bites of stuff and leave it in his mouth for hours if we didn't let him spit it out. He has almost stopped doing that.

Breakfast is easy because I just shovel oatmeal into his mouth while he sits on the couch watching Sesame Street. He eats oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast. I don't think he ever eats his snack at Preschool, which is two mornings a week. My mom keeps him Monday and Wednesday mornings at our house and I think she pretty much follows him around the house with a fork or spoon or whatever and just gives him bites of whatever while he plays. And on Fridays, he stays with Phillip's parents. I'm not really sure how they get him to eat. They probably bribe him with candy or something, which is fine. Whatever it takes as far as I'm concerned.

So when I come home from work it's usually lunch time, unless my mom already fed him (literally). It usually takes an hour (no joke) to get him to eat enough of his lunch to satisfy me. Our lunch routine sounds something like this.

M: Jackson, pick up your fork and take a bite.
J: But, I want a drink of juice first.
M: Jackson!! What did I just tell you to do.
M: Jackson, chew up your food.
J: I AM chewing!
M: Get another bite.
M: Put that toy down and eat.
M: Jackson, do I need to turn the T.V. off??
M: You can't have a treat if you don't eat your lunch.
J: Why are you so grumpy?

I could go on and on. It drives me nuts. I know I have helped to create this monster. I know what I'm doing is not working. Some days he barely eats enough to sustain life, let alone grow. I don't know why or how he's a head taller than most other kids his age.

Tonight I made a taco pie, which pretty much consists of meat, cheese, and bread. Jackson basically refused to eat it at all. He said, "I'm not eating that." I gave him one bite and he told me that if I gave him another bite of it he wouldn't chew it up. So I told him to go play, but he couldn't have any gummies or other treats. He was totally fine with that.

People have told me that if he's hungry enough, he'll eat. And that we shouldn't make a big deal out of meal time. "If he eats, great. If not, no big deal." "Making a big deal out of meal time can cause eating disorders." Eating disorders?? I know some of that reasoning makes sense....but I just CAN'T do it. I guess it's because he's the only kid we have to mess with, but I will drive myself and him and Phillip crazy trying to get him to eat. I really, honestly believe that he would be just fine with eating a piece of lunch meat once a day...and that's it. I know one day he will eat us out of house and home.

Just a side note sort of along these lines. Three years olds are annoying little creatures.

Wanted: SNL video clip

I'm helping Mary Margaret with a ministry leader meeting on Sunday and I'm trying to find a clip to use at the meeting. I am having NO luck. It's a clip from a Saturday Night Live episode with Chris Kattan playing his character "Suel Forrester." It's the one where the guy is the coach and you can't understand half of what he's saying. It would be cool to use in our meeting....and it driving me CRAZY that I can't find it anywhere! Can anyone out there help me?? There has to be a way to get it.

"Make my hair short"

Phillip cut Jack's hair tonight. It was looking pretty bad. We were thinking we would let it grow and just see what it would look like kind of long. Well, he looked homeless. We asked him tonight if he wanted his hair long or short and he said he wanted it to be short.

He looks much more respectable now.

Clock trouble

My dang clock doesn't even keep the right time! That clock has been more trouble than it's worth! But I'm going to keep it anyway.

It's Over

My singing commitments for this weekend are finally over....(sigh of relief). And gee, let's see, I only averaged about 1.5 very noticeable entrance/lyrical mistakes per service. That's about 6 or so for the entire weekend!! Complete success, I would say. Ok, scarcasm really doesn't come across over typed word. Anyway, it was fun, but I'm glad it's over.

Worship Leading??

I'm kind of leading worship at BPF this weekend because Kristin is out of town. I'm glad to have the opportunity to do it but it's pretty stressful. The Saturday night service went pretty good considering we were messing up like crazy in sound check and Phillip broke a string and I didn't know about a video I was supposed to leave room for.

Phillip and I picked the music and we chose some things that had not been done in a while...a long while. And in hindsight, I realize that we probably should have chosen a couple that were a bit more familiar to the band. I didn't realize it until practice Thursday that Maury had never even played acoustic on any of these before. Oops, sorry Maury. The BPF band is made up of stellar musicians, but it's not too cool to dump a ton of new stuff on them in one week.

Anyway, we have two services tomorrow to do and a ladies' Christmas shindig to sing for tomorrow afternoon. This has been fun and all but I think after this weekend is over, I'll have gotten my singing fix and be content to sit back and chill for a while. Being able to sing and being able to effectively lead a group of people in worship are two very different things. And I'm just not sure if I'm cut out for the latter.

Superman, Then and Now

Jackson saw a picture of himself at 1 1/2 in a Superman costume and asked if we still had the costume. I got it out to show him and he wanted to put it on. So we let him put it on and he wore it for about 4 hours...straight. He even wore it up to the high school with Phillip to grab our camera. Needless to say, it is WAY too small.

After Jack put the costume on, he asked Phillip what Superman says. And Phillip told him that Superman says, "I'm a big dork!" So for the next few hours Jackson ran around the house jumping off of stuff yelling, "I'm a big dork! I'm Superman!"




Well, Superman, you certainly are a dork.

Internet Explorer

Ever since I put that enormous clock on my blog it looks like garbage if you view it in Internet Explorer. Why is that? Can I fix it without having to take out my clock? I like my clock. You have to scroll all the way down to be able to see my links and stuff.

Watch Out for Hurricane Wilma

My brother sent this to me today. I thought it was kind of funny.

Kind of Old Pictures

I was looking through some of our pictures of Jackson from when he was little. He was (and is) a cute kid. So here are some pictures of him before he got to be so big.

This was taken when Jackson was about 3 months old or so and Phillip had hair!



This is an outfit that Phillip wore as a baby. Does that donkey have a lampshade on its head?



Jack had pretty fuzzy hair for a while. It looked awesome!!



Would you look at those eyes!



We enjoyed putting underwear on his head. He didn't seem to mind too much.



This is one of our all time favorite pictures of him.



I don't remember where he got this crazy hat from. But he certainly looks excited in this picture.

LOOK AT MY CLOCK!

My Feet Stink

Lately I have noticed that I have stinky feet. I've never really noticed it before a few weeks ago. Is it the shoes I'm wearing? The soap I'm using? Have I always had stinky feet and just never noticed? Do other people notice? Has everyone around me known for years that I have stinky feet and just never told me? Do I need to wear special stink proof socks? Maybe I should wear socks, period. That could be it. But I've never liked wearing socks. Do I need to wash my feet several times a day? Do your feet stink? Be honest.

What a Difference

At BPF band rehearsal tonight, we practiced Truth, which is a song that Phillilp and I wrote a little over a year ago. We will be doing this song in the services this weekend. This song is not one of my favorites that we have written. It just never really grew on me like some of the others. It never felt finished or something. I don't know what it was exactly. But it sounded really cool tonight with the full band. It made such a huge difference in the way the song comes off. This will be the first one of our songs that has been done with a full band. I'm pretty excited. I just hope no one, including me, screws it up.

People Are Jerks

Sometime between 12:30, when we finished watching Lost, and 7:00 this morning some creep bashed the rear window of one of our cars. That particular car has also been sprayed with a fire extinguisher, and smeared with what looked like human poop in the last year. So if the jerk who did this just happens to be reading my blog, which I really doubt, STOP spraying, bashing, and pooping on my car!! Go find something else to do!! You're getting on my nerves. And if you also happen to be that crazy smoking woman that terrirized me over the phone, you are REALLY getting on my nerves.

What kind of sicko takes a dump on somebody's car anyway?

Pumpkin Patch

The Pumpkin Patch is open at the Lutheran Church over on Plantation. We live pretty close, so we walked over and took some pictures. We went there last year several times and Jack's been waiting for it to open this year. He was pretty excited. He's quite photogenic when he wants to be. The pumpkin that he's holding in the third picture came home with us. Regarding the pumpkin, Jackson said, "He's so cute."

Darth Vader

Jackson and I were messing around in Microsoft Paint tonight. He scribbled for a while and then he wanted me to draw Darth Vader. I told him that I don't know how to draw Darth Vader. That's Daddy's job...to draw whatever character he comes up with. It's like we're here his for his amusement or something. But he said, "Sure you can, Mommy. You just have to try." UGHHH. What do you say to that? So here is my picture of Darth Vader. Awesome, huh?

New Recordings....finally

We've been meaning to record our other three songs for a long time. But Phillip doesn't like his acoustic guitar. To me, a guitar is a guitar, but I know that's really not true. Anyway, we borrowed Ronnie's guitar for a few days and decided to record these last three. You can go to Phillip's post to read what he had to say about it and to find the new recordings. Or you can click on the link in the sidebar. Thanks for listening.

Octobers are hard

October 2nd was the due date of the first baby we lost. That child would be turning a year old now. Would be walking. Getting into all kinds of trouble. Starting to talk.

On October 2nd, the due date of the first one, I found out I was pregnant with the second baby we lost. She made that a day of joy and excitement rather than a day of mourning.

And as Evan's due date approaches, I am feeling the dread come over me more and more. He was due on October 22. I want to sleep through that day. I don't want to have to write that date.

I want to sleep through October. I want to run away during October. October hurts. Octobers are going to hurt for a long long time.

Precious

This evening we were heading to the mall when I saw a pretty funny sight across the street. Our retired neighbor fellow who lives across the street was sitting in his swing with another retired guy that lives down the road. They are probably both in their late 60's or so. We have gotten to know the guy across the street fairly well over the few years we've lived here and he's pretty cool. But neither one of them are particularly small men and the swing is not all that big. As we were driving by, Phillip stopped the car and I rolled my window down and told them, "You guys look precious all cuddled up together on that swing."

They were speechless. It was great. Leon just grinned and shook his finger at me. I wish I had a picture of them on that swing.

The Family Cat

I'm not a huge fan of cats. I mean I like other people's cats ok, but ours pretty much drives me nuts a good bit of the time. I've been trying to be a little nicer to him since we accidentally left him in our house for three days with no food during the hurricane Rita thing. I guess I feel a little guilty. But I've been letting him come in the house some lately in the evenings before Jack goes to bed. Jackson gets a huge kick out of having Travis in the house. And it gives Travis a chance to eat without having to share his food with our friendly neighborhood possum. Tonight we had a family game of pegging Travis with a small beach ball. He didn't seem to mind too much and it gave all of us a pretty good laugh. But the inside treat for Travis will stop if/when he gets fleas in the house. Anyway, here are a couple of pictures of Jack and Travis.

Crazies

Some crazy woman called our house twice in the last thirty minutes threatening to press charges against us for phone harassment. She says that someone from this phone number has been calling and leaving nasty messages on her cell phone. I have a picture here of what I think she might look like in 30 years or so. I ripped this off from Maury's blog.



Ok, let's just think about this for a minute. If you are reading this, then you probably know Phillip and me pretty well. And unless Jackson has been leaving threatening messages on someone's phone, those calls have not been coming from this house. Phillip and I may be many things...but we are not crank callers.

She says she's going to get private investigators and the authorities involved. I said, "Good, please do. Then I won't have to." Last time she called I asked her if she had been drinking. And I think the next time she calls I'll ask her what kind of Marlboros she smokes and which episode of Jerry Springer she appeared on last.

Yeah, yeah, I know I should probably invite her to church or whatever. But, I think my crazy aquaintance quota is currently filled. I have no more room for crazies in my life at the moment.

Mega Marbles

Tonight at Target Phillip found a huge deck of cards and immediately our minds went to the Marbles game. We should commission a huge marbles board with huge holes, huge marbles, and huge cards. I think Tommy and Andrea are trying to come up with ways to make their boards more portable and compact with hinges and/or handles and stuff. This board would be so huge it would be almost impossible to take anywhere, but it would look really cool and be fun to play if we could find a table big enough. So, Andrea, Tommy, can it be done?? Are you up for the challenge? I think the marbles would be hard to find....but not impossible. Nothing worth doing is easy, right? It could even be a table of its own with legs!!! I am a genius!!

They're Home

The Pickerings, Smiths, and Erskins have made it home. They managed to get gas in their vehicles and got back where they belong. We're glad you guys are home.

Pastor Pick

From what I hear, the Pickerings, the Smiths, and the Erskins are sort of stranded somewhere because of the storm. I think they're still at Kathy's parent's house but I'm not sure. And I'm not really sure what town they're in. As of yesterday they were pretty much out of power, out of gasoline and had enough water for a few days. If anyone has more detailed info to add to this, please do. Please pray they will get home soon and safe with many stories for Greg to tell in his sermon.

Poor Travis

We left on Wednesday to get away from Rita. And Travis, our cat, was no where to be found. So, we just left his sorry butt behind. I put a huge bowl of food outside and a huge bowl of water and just figured he would live...or he wouldn't. He's a nuisance anyway to be honest. Well, we had fun escaping from the hurricane that didn't hit us anyway. Phillip posted about that on his blog. We got home Saturday and Travis was in the house!!! I guess he snuck in when we were loading the car and hid. First of all, we don't even allow that miserable animal in our house and he was here without a litter box with free reign unsupervised for three days!! He survived and suprisingly, I haven't found any messes. I guess he didn't have anything in his bowels to make a mess with if you know what I'm saying. There was water out that he could have drank if he was smart enough to do it, which he isn't. So, our outside cat, temporarily turned inside cat, is now an outside cat again. Permanently.....until he dies or we dump him off at your house in the middle of the night.

It's good to be home. Thanks to friends and new friends we were safe and we are grateful.

Get lost, Rita!!

This can't be happening!! I DO NOT want to accept that this hurricane is heading right for us.

I was watching a show about alien abductions the other day. And I thought, "Man, that sure would stink." But now I'm thinking it might not be that bad. They could just beam me up or whatever they do around Friday and bring me back around, oh Monday or so. I know they would probably do strange and unspeakable things to me but I'm sure they would have the courtesy of erasing it all from my memory. And then I could remain completely oblivious to the hurricane that is coming RIGHT FOR US!!!

Beef...It's what's for dinner

My mom and my aunt are heading to Rapid City, North Dakota tomorrow for the National Beef Cookoff. My Aunt Carolyn is one of 20 finalist who will be competing in the cookoff and could potentially win some money. That would be pretty dang cool, not that I would get any of it or anything. My aunt has won several recipe contests over the years. She was in the Pillsbury Bakeoff several years ago but didn't win.

In honor of this event, I've been singing "The Beef Song" lately around the house, which is really Hoe-down by Aaron Copland, but I like to call it "The Beef Song" to annoy Phillip. He's sensitive about those kinds of things so I do whatever I can to get under his skin. Annoying Phillip is one of my great pleasures in life.

So, here's to you, Aunt Carolyn. Good luck and I'll be humming "The Beef Song" for you every chance I get.

Doot Doo Dee Doot Doo Dee Dee Doo Dee Doo Doo Doo Doo Dee Doot Deet Doot Doo Dee Dee Doo Doo Dee Dee Doo Doo.......Beef, It's what's for dinner.

I Meant Rapid City, SOUTH Dakota...Duh

Get 'Em!!

Last night Phillip and I joined the Stunzs and the Willsons for the B'Wood/Angleton football game at Hopper Field. Phillip and I are not really football fans, but it was fun. I mostly went to watch the band and see Tori Stunz do her cymbal jigs. Go Tori...Go Tori... The band is pretty amazing.

It's not very often that you can yell at the top of your lungs in public, so I took advantage of the opportunity a few times during the game...not because I really cared about the game, just because yelling is fun. Phillip said that yelling, "Get 'em!!" is a pretty funny instruction to yell from the stands. "What's your strategy in footbal?" "Well, basically just to GET THEM!!!" "Oh, I see." Anyway, it was a good night with friends even if it was hot and there were mosquitos and we were surrounded by people telling the players and refs what to do even though they couldn't hear them and they wouldn't have litened if they could.

While the cats are away the mice will play.....marbles

The leadership staff of Brazos Pointe Fellowship have been at a retreat since Sunday. Since today was their last day out of the office, the support staff decided to use our time wisely and play a little marbles. This picture shows that we all can play marbles and run the show at the same time. Women are such great multi-taskers.

Weeping in Ramah

Not long after posting about the gross thong booty, I decided to look through Evan's box. It had been a few weeks since I looked through our few memories of him. I picked up my Bible with tears still fresh on my face and I almost immediately flipped to Jeremiah 31: 15. I honestly cannot think of a time before when I actually came right to a passage in the Bible right when I needed it. Usually I have to hunt for a little while...or a long while.

15. This is what the LORD says:

"A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."

16. This is what the LORD says:

"Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded," declares the LORD. "They will return from the land of the enemy. 17. So there is hope for your future," declares the LORD. "Your children will return to their own land."

This passage is in regard to the land of Judah turning away from God but God promises that the people will be restored to Him and will again someday follow Him.

'He who scattered Israel will gather them and will watch over his flock like a shepherd.'
from Jeremiah 31:10

And while I do realize that in this passage God was addressing the Nation of Israel in 600 B.C., He was also addressing me right now. My children have been returned to their own land. There is hope for my future, and my work will be rewarded.

Isn't that cool?

You asked for it...

Someone told me today that someone should blog about how gross it is to see thongs hanging out above people's pants. Well, it's gross alright. What do you think?

New Song? Perhaps

I sat down today to try and write some possible new lyrics to a possible new song. Usually when Phillip and I have written something, the lyrics kind of evolve as we put them to music. I tend to be a little wordy and usually we have to cut stuff out. I'm really not big on rhyming, and most of our songs do not have rhyming lyrics. Anyway, this is what I came up with.

This Journey

This journey is to find You
But you have never strayed
You knew each step my feet would take
Long before they were ever made

You know when I will turn from You
You know when I’ll cling

You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse
Yes, You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse

This journey is to love You
Though we never do it right
And you know the plans You have for us
So I wonder why we fight

You know when I will shake my fists
And you know when I’ll sing

You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse
Yes, You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse

You know when I will turn from You
And you know when I’ll cling
You know when I will shake my fists
And yes, you know when I’ll sing

You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse
Yes, You see my life completely
Even in a glimpse

Good Save...Sort of

This morning before going to church I said to Phillip that I need to get a new belt. And he said, "You mean a fatter one?" After glaring at him for several seconds, I said, "No, a BROWNER one." He claims that he meant wider and he just used a bad choice of words.

I think we are going to have a new catch phrase in the Hintze house from now on. If Phillip says he needs to get a new shirt or new underwear or whatever, my response will be, "you mean a fatter one?"

Moxie Theatre

My cousin Jo Anne and some friends of hers have started a little theatre company where they live in California. I'm excited for you, Jo. Check it out... MOXIE.

Our own Kurumi

Last school year when I worked at St. Mark Lutheran Preschool I taught a little girl named Kurumi that had recently moved from Japan to the United States with her family. She's the cutest little thing and I talked about her all the time. She's just one of those (rare) kids that you want to bring home with you. Anyway, I realized today that she goes to preschool on the same days as Jackson and they play at the playground and Centers at the same time. I asked Jackson if he ever plays with her and he said that he does. This is how the rest of our conversation went:

Mom - I like Kurumi. She's pretty cute. I'd like to bring her home with me.
Jack - Can we?
M - No, she has a mommy and a daddy.
J - Well, can we get our own Kurumi?
M - (Laughing) Maybe, we'll have to see about that.
J - I want to get a boy Kurumi.

Isn't that sweet? I got misty eyed when he said that.

Picture experiment

I've never put pictures on my blog before. If ever there have been any pictures on it, they were put on by Phillip. So, I'm jsut kind of experimenting here and seeing what the finished product looks like. I can already tell this is going to be tricky. Ok, this is my third attempt to make this look a little less...well, stupid for lack of a better word. I can't seem to get the captions to be next to the picture. If you're one of those people who get new posts of blogs you frequent sent to you every time, sorry about that. I'm retarded. I'll have to get Phillip to show me how to do this correctly. Anyway, the first picture is of Jackson with an eyeliner mustache. The last picture is of our toaster fork. We have to use it to keep the bread down. I am going to attempt to publish this again. Why is it that the preview looks nothing like the actual post?

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I'm still already!!!

Even though it has only been three months since we lost our third baby in a row to pregnancy complications, I can't help but being almost consumed with what lies ahead for our family. I guess to some people it may seem too early to be thinking about another child, but I can't seem to help but think about it...on a daily basis...ok, hourly basis. Do we try again? Do we look into adoption? Do we give up and be content with one child? It is so hard to know what is the right thing to do. I know I need to be patient and wait on God. But it has been almost a year since the first baby that we lost was due. Going on two years that we thought another child was going to be added to our family and was not. My patience is running out. I want to make things happen. I want to figure out a way to get another child in this family. Wouldn't you think I would have learned by now that I can't make anything happen? Why can't I get it through my thick skull that it is not up to me? I wish that God would just audibly tell us what we should do. I can't make a decision and move in that direction and just expect God to bless it. But moving in no direction usually gets you nowhere. Doesn't it?

He tells me, "Be still and know that I am God." And my brain screams, "I know, I know! Now give me a baby!" Doesn't quite work that way, does it? Stillness must be in us, not just a visible thing we carry around. The gap between knowing something and putting it to practice is sometimes just too big.

Tomato Sausage

On one of the latest Veggie Tales Videos entitled Minnesota Cuke and The Search for Samson's Hairbrush there is a Silly Song With Larry called Pizza Angel. Jackson likes that song and likes to sing it. It's pretty funny. The part of the words that he likes to sing are supposed to be:
Tomato sauce and cheese so gooey.

But he says:
Tomato sausage cheese so duey.

It is probably much funnier to Phillip and me than it is to anyone else.

It's not just stuff

Watching people desperately searching through the rubble that was their home, seeing people carrying what few meager possessions they have left through the muck and the heat for hours or days, witnessing the blank and hopeless expressions on their faces, watching as they cling to family members they possibly had not ever really hugged like they meant it... to say that all of this is heartbreaking feels like such an inadequate description of what is going on.

Though it is small in comparison, I can somewhat relate to how these people feel. When I was eleven we lost our house and everything in it to a fire. It was there that morning and gone that afternoon. Just like that. Unlike these people in New Orleans and surrounding areas, we had a place to go. We were given food and clothing almost immediately. We had insurance money that helped us to rebuild, not our home, but our lives. And even with the many blessing we received, we were devastated.

We went back to the house several times to try and salvage something, anything, that would have reminded us of what our lives were before the fire. I went in to what was my room searching through tears for something to remind me that my previous life was not all just a dream. I was so excited when I found that one of my Cabbage Patch Kids had survived the fire. The reason it was not destroyed is because it was not one of my favorites and it had been shoved under my desk and had the junk of a pre-adolescent's bedroom piled on top of it. That doll, that I gave little thought to before the fire, instantly became my prized posession. I still have it. I hope I will always have it.

So much of our identity is wrapped up in our stuff. And you may think that this is not true for you, but just imagine if everything that is familiar to you was taken away. Your favorite pair of worn in jeans, favorite pillow that smells of your shampoo, sports trophies that you earned though blood and sweat, childhood pictures. Truly irreplaceable things that seem to make you who you are.

As Christians we should know, atleast on some level, that who we are does not, or should not atleast, revolve around the things that we have. And we can find comfort in situations like this because we believe that our worth is found in God. But many of these people do not have that assurance.

In their eyes, they have not only lost their stuff, but they are flat out lost without their stuff. They will forget minute by minute who they used to be because they no longer have the things that made them who they were. We must pray for many things for these people. We must pray for safety and basic necessities of life, but above all, we must pray that they will find refuge in God. That they will not forever be a shell of who they were because of the possessions they have lost. We must pray that they will call on the name of Jesus and find that he is better than anything that can be purchased.

We need to hold loosely to what we have. Any one of us could be in similar situations to these people in New Orleans. We are not above it. We are not beyond it. The only thing that remains constant is God. He is not absent in all of this. The statement "He is our Rock" takes on new meaning in light of this tragedy.

Chapter Eight...The Great Sin

I wrote a week or so ago about some stuff I had recently read in the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis on marriage from Chapter 6. Chapter 8 is entitled The Great Sin. I just finished chapter 12 on Faith, but I was thinking about Chapter 8 today and thought I would jot down a few things. C. S. Lewis has amazing insight on this subject. I have to believe he's writing about himself in this chapter. I hate to use so many quotes. Like I should just come up with my own thoughts or something. But, man, this guy is amazing. He blows me away.

Now, just because C.S. Lewis wrote this stuff does not automatically mean it is absolutely true. Much of this book consists of his personal opinions on various topics and he says himself that he could be wrong about some of it. But I have yet to come across anything that struck me as contadictory to the Bible or what I know to be true about God or His nature. Not that I know it all...for that would be prideful of me to say.

That said, this chapter addresses the issue of pride and self-conceit, as well as the opposite of this, which is humility. C.S. Lewis writes,

"There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconcious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others."

This to me is a terrifying statement. To think that a great sin or "the great sin" is something that we are often unaware of in ourselves is very scary. I would like to believe that I am fairly humble, but that belief in itself is a prideful one. And blatant conceit in others sickens me, repulses me, turns me off to knowing them further, so that must mean I have plenty of it myself. I don't like that. I don't want to hear that. That is not an easy statement to read or think about.

C.S. Lewis also writes:

"As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."

I am heavily convicted again as I read this stuff. How in the world can we focus on God and the magnitude of His righteousness and perfection if we are comparing ourselves to other people who we consider ourselves better than? It doesn't work. It is just not possible. We cannot focus on our worth and God's worth at the same time. It's like we have to flip a mental switch to just be able to enter into His presence and focus wholly on Him. And none of us are capable of doing it...atleast not for very long. Does that mean we should not try? That we should throw our hands up and just forget the whole thing? No, that's where grace comes in.

Lewis says that it is not necessarily prideful to find pleasure in personal praise. "For here the pleasure lies not in what you are but in the fact that you have pleased someone you wanted to please." He talks about that this can become a problem if you are constantly seeking praise and then thinking highly of yourself when you get it. He says that this kind of pride shows that you are not satisfied with your own admiration and need the admiration of others, which is dangerous, but there is something even more dangerous than this. That is being so full of yourself that you do not even desire or delight in the praises of others.

"'He says, "Why should I care for the applause of that rabble as if their opinion were worth anything? And even if their opinions were of value, am I the sort of man to blush with pleasure at a compliment like some chit of a girl at her first dance? No, I am an integrated, adult personality. All I have done has been done to satisfy my own ideals - or my artistic conscience - or the traditions of my family - or, in a word, because I'm That Kind of Chap. If the mob like it, let them. They are nothing to me.'"

C.S. Lewis refers to this kind of pride as black and diabolical. Again, terrifying.

Humility comes when we really truly get to know about God. "He is trying to make you humble in order to make this moment possible: trying to take off a lot of silly, ugly, fancy-dress in which we have all got ourselves up and are strutting about like the little idiots we are." "To get even near it, even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert."

I love this guy!

The last paragraph in this chapter is a great way to end it.

"If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed."

Fantasy Shopping Spree

Ok, ladies, have you heard of Fantasy Football? Well, from what I understand, guys get together and “draft” various NFL players that they would like to put on a dream team. Then throughout the season they keep track of the stats from each player and somehow determine which team “wins” based on the team’s combined stats...or something like that. What do they win? I guess some play for money but some just play for the glory of saying they won something. Sounds fun, huh?

Well, I have come up with an idea for an equally pointless and stereotypical pastime for women. I call it Fantasy Shopping Spree. This is how it works.

Keep in mind we are not actually buying anything at all.

First of all we have to make a list of our “dream wardrobe” or “dream shopping spree.” We obviously cannot shop for an entire fake new wardrobe because that would take way too much time and effort. For consistency, we all must have the same basic framework to our list. Our list will include 16 items. The list should include:

· 2 pairs of slacks
· 1 skirt
· 3 blouses or tops (whatever you want to call them)
· 1 dress
· 2 pairs of jeans
· 3 pairs of shoes (casual or dress, your choice)
· 2 bags
· 2 jewelry items

Make up and hair accessories are not included in this particular shopping experience. I do not consider those things to be part of a wardrobe and since I am making up the game, what I say goes.

Ok, so this is what we do. At the beginning of a season, i.e., fall, winter, etc., we get together and decide on particular items to fill our lists. But you must do your research prior to the “draft.” This is where it gets a little tricky. Pick specific items according to brand and store location. You must pick items that are regularly priced at the beginning of the season. No one person can choose the exact same item, even if they are different sizes.

The object of our little game is to track the prices of our specific items once a week to see if the average price at the end of the season is lower than the price it started out to be. So you want to pick stores that often put things on sale. The price range of the clothing doesn’t really matter because we are tracking the price decrease and it will be a percentage at the end. Your clothes can be chosen from various stores.

This is an example of how you determine the “stat” for a particular piece of clothing. The original price of a pair of jeans is $45.00. The tracking of those jeans once per week for 12 weeks leads to an average price of $32.00 (each weekly price divided by 12). We would then divide 32 by 45 to get approximately .71. The lower the price, the lower the percentage. At the end of our fake shopping season, we would have a percentage for each item of clothing on our list. We will then add up all our percents and divide that by the total number of items on our list, in our case, 16 items. The person with the lowest percentage at the end is the winner!

The winner doesn’t win anything at all.

Thoughts on Job and his life

After Job lost all of his children, his crops, his livestock, had been afflicted with a bad skin condition, and has had people including his wife telling him it must be his fault, he is feeling pretty dang low. I would say that is quite understandable. In chapter 30 he is hopeless because of his situation.

“And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me. Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest. In his great power God becomes like clothing to me; he binds me like the neck of my garment. He throws me into the mud, and I am reduced to dust and ashes. I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me. You snatch me up and drive me before the wind; you toss me about in the storm. I know you will bring me down to death, to the place appointed for all the living.” Job 30:16-23

Job really doesn’t get why he’s endured such suffering. Most of chapter 31 is Job reassuring himself and his “friend” that he has not done anything wrong to deserve his plight. I’m not sure if Job is claiming to be sinless or not. But he certainly seems to be making a case that “bad things” really shouldn’t happen to “good people.” After his buddy Elihu rambles on about this and that about how Job is not repentant, that he lacks insight, is rebellious, wicked, you know all the things that a caring friend should say to someone who has had their entire world ripped apart, God finally speaks to Job.

And he says in 38:2, “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?” That statement there tells me that those things that Job said before about God were not exactly true. But I believe that God wants us to be honest in the way we are feeling even if our views of Him at the time are not accurate. God then went on to ask Job many questions to help Job see His power and true character. 38-41 is full of questions that God throws at Job. There are way too many to list, but they are cool to read. I listed a few below. A top 10 list, if you will.

God says, “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you; and you shall answer me.” (38:3) Uh oh, is God telling him to get it together, to stop whining and act like a man? To suck it up, buddy, and hold on to your shorts, and let me tell you a thing or two. I don’t know. But that’s kind of what it sounds like to me.

From chapters 38- 40 of the book of Job
Questions that God asked of Job:

1. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations? (38:4)
2. Who marked off its dimensions? (38:5)
3. Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? (38:16)
4. Have the gates of death been shown to you? (38:17)
5. Does the rain have a father? (38:28)
6. From whose womb comes the ice? (38:29)
7. Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? (38:35)
8. Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? (39:1)
9. Will the wild ox consent to serve you? Will he stay by your manger at night? (39:9)
(I love that one, by the way.)
10. Does the eagle soar at your command and build his nest on high? (39:27)

After all this Job admits that he spoke of things that he did not understand, things too wonderful for him to know. (42:3) He realizes that his knowledge of God was so limited that he portrayed God in a light that was not true to God’s character. Job understand and accepts that he had heard of God but had never before really and truly seen God for who He is. (42:5) God revealed Himself to Job and Job repented. We know from the first chapter of the book of Job that he was blameless and upright, that he feared God and shunned evil. But it took having his world ripped apart to go from blameless and upright to knowledgeable of the true heart of God. God blessed Job and gave him twice what he had before.

Does that mean that if we are steadfast in our love for God, that He will restore twice what has been taken away? That at some point the tides will turn and our pain on this earth will be over? No way, but God will bless our lives in ways by giving us hope, joy, and love through the pain, by revealing more of Himself than we could ever have seen other wise. And I just have to think about Heaven when I think of all of Job’s possessions being restored to him. On this earth we won’t have every loss given back to us no matter how much we trust and serve God. That’s just not the way things work. But in Heaven, twice the abundance of what was lost on earth is an understatement. What we will receive there is not even imaginable.

Some people believe that the story of Job is kind of a parable or something. Like maybe the actual person didn’t really exist. I don’t know. I tend to think that the book is about a real guy. But I also think that it is an example of turning from our own abilities and good works and calling upon God to restore us to Him. And in turn, He gives us salvation. He gives us so much more than we ever could have accomplished or gained from our own hands.

And in the end, or the beginning, He gives us Heaven.

I hate stress!!!!

I am quite stressed out. And I don't like myself when I am in this state. First of all, I'm taking a situation that really doesn't have to do with me and making it about me. I hate that!! I should be a better person than that.

My mom is in terrible pain with her arm and she's going to have to have surgery. In the mean time, she can't work and can barely take care of herself. So, where does my mind go? I'll tell you. "What about me?!" "What am I going to do about my job?! So many people are helping her out and me out during this time. But am I grateful? I want to be, but mostly I'm just irritated. I'm irritated by the whole situation. And I have no good place to direct my irritation. It's not my mom's fault she broke her arm at my house keeping my kid. It's not Jackson's fault for chasing her through the house. It's not even my fault really for leaving the blowdryer on the floor (though I do feel guilty about that). I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to be me-centered. The stress I feel about how this relates to my life is hendering me from being sensitive to my mom's needs. And what is being stressed out about stuff accomplishing anyway? Nothing! It is just clouding me from doing what has to be done.

This situation is temporary. My mom said today that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But, man, why are there so many dang tunnels? I'm getting sick of tunnels.

Brokenness

Yesterday my mom was keeping Jack at our house while I was at work. Her and Jackson were running through the house. I think he was chasing her or something. Anyway, she ran into the bathroom and slipped on my blowdryer that I keep on the floor by the sink. She fell and broke her arm! The break is up high near her shoulder and it can't be set. It's wrapped up and she's on pain meds. She's in a lot of pain. I guess she's just going to be like that until it heals. She lives alone and needs to work but can't right now. Please pray for her. Her name is Marilyn.

Jackson was really calm when it happened. He got her purse and got her cell phone out of it for her and got the phone book so she could call me. Little hero. Phillip said if he was a dog and did that we could sell the story to some t.v. show. Too bad he's a kid. He'd have to something more exceptional than that to make any money off of it.

Mere Christianity?

I have been slowly reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. (F.Y.I., this book was published in 1952.) Doesn't mere mean simple? I find that I can only read a chapter or two at a time before I have to put it away for a couple of days and digest it all. But anyway, I just finished the 6th chapter, which is on Christian Marriage. There are a couple of things in this chapter that I found particularly interesting.

He talks about how many people, even Christians, enter into marriage without intending to fully keep their vows. And that the promises made were just a “mere formality.” He says people want the “respectability that is attached to marriage without intending to pay the price.” He then goes on to say the thing that really caught me off guard, which is:

“If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make vows they do not mean to keep. It is true that by living together without marriage they will be guilty (in Christian eyes) of fornication. But one fault is not mended by adding another: unchastity is not improved by adding perjury.”

I believe that he is absolutely right, but this must have been a very controversial thing to say, especially in the 1950’s. I would be interested to find out how this book and/or the series of radio shows that the book came from went over with the audience at the time.

Another thing he discusses regarding Christian Marriage relates to the man being the “head of the household.”
He asks two questions:
1. Why should there be a head at all – why not equality?
2. Why should it be the man?

Regarding the first question, he basically believes that if a marriage is designed to be permanent, then there must be someone between the two parties that has the deciding vote. “If marriage is permanent, one or other party must, in the last resort, have the power of deciding the family policy.”

So, on to question two, why the man? Here I will kind of summarize, in my own words how he answers part of this question. Bossy, bull-headed women are generally not admired, even by other bossy bull-headed women. Husbands of these kinds of women are usually thought to be spineless wimps. How C.S. Lewis put it is, “There must be something unnatural about the rule of wives over husbands, because the wives themselves are half ashamed of it and despise the husbands whom they rule.” Also he believes that men are more likely to be just or gracious to people outside their family than women. As a woman, I can attest to this. If someone hurts my child, my home, or Phillip I am much more likely to overreact and be harder on someone than I should have been. For example, if a stranger in public curses in front of Jackson, Phillip would probably not say anything, or just remove Jackson from the situation and not make a scene. I, on the other hand, would and have looked someone in the eye and said, “Don’t you dare use that kind of language in front of MY child!” He believes a husband has the last word to “protect other people from the intense patriotism of the wife.”

I know this blog is pretty long and maybe a little (or a lot) boring. But this is just some stuff from the book that I really liked. I think it would be difficult to briefly discuss anything from this book. I’m only half way through it and it’s pretty crazy how much information is crammed into this little book. It’s like a vitamin. How’d they get all those nutrients into that little pill? Anyway, thanks for reading. Any comments or discussion on any of this stuff would be most welcome.

You have been "berserved"

Jackson makes up words. He has made up such words as teg, belgicks, malgy, inanorable, shapulous, and visipulous.

His recent invention is berserving. He has a toy that he ripped off from Phillip's parents house. It's this little Santa thing and when you squeeze this trigger type thing the Santa spins and his body opens up to reveal a snow man. I know, sound wacko, but anyway, he likes it. He decided the other day that when you spin the Santa and then touch it to someone to make the Santa stop spinning, that is called "berserving." We act annoyed or hurt like he's chopping our arm off with this lethal Santa toy. "I berserved you!", He says. And laughs like some kind of evil maniac.

Phillip calls him "The Berservinator."

The Super Secret Brazos Mall/Barnes & Noble Undercover Operation

On Wednesday, Phillip and I participated in fooling Barnes & Noble representatives into thinking that our mall is truly a "prime retail experience." The cost of our integrity was $5.00 a piece so we could eat mediocre Wendy's cuisine. I am so ashamed.

Just in case you don't know what in the world I'm talking about, from 12:00-3:00 on Wednesday there were allegedly Barnes & Noble reps. sent out to check out our mall as a potential new location for one of their stores. The mall was handing out $5.00 vouchers to people to come and show support of our glorious mall during those hours.

I think it would be hilarious if Brazos Mall's little scheme to get patrons botched the whole thing. Hello! People were all over our pitiful "food court" running around with special little $5.00 golden tickets eating Wendy's food like there was no tomorrow since Wendy's is our only place to eat out there. Do they think that these representatives were thinking, "Hmmm, that's curious. The people in this peculiar little town really like Wendy's." Uh, no!! They're going to think, "What do they think, we're stupid?! Paying people off to impress us! We won't be taken in by these "City of Enchantment" weirdos! We are so out of here!"

Well, that's my take on the whole thing in a nutshell. But hey, I got free food out of it so that's cool.

What is it that makes us unique? What is it that sets our lives apart from everybody else's lives?

I've been trying to figure out why it is that I've had to know some of the experiences that I have known. Is it sin? Some of it, sure. Bad decisions by me or someone else? Yes, that too. But some things just seem to happen for no real reason at all. Is God just sitting around searching the earth looking for someone to dump something on? We know that He is not. Does God cause "bad things" to happen? Maybe, I don't know for sure that He doesn't. Does He allow "bad things" to happen? I guess so. But the thing is that He is God. And I'm not saying that He does cause or allow things to happen, but so what if He does? He's God, and who am I to question what He is doing?

Rather than sit around and get ticked off by what I've had to "deal with" in my life, I am trying to take a different approach here. He has given me this life and everything that makes this life mine. I have unique gifts, blessings, and burdens that are my own, given to me or maybe chosen for me by my Creator. He knows what I need to bring out the parts of me that must be brought out. He knows what must be done to me, in me, and around me to bring out my hidden talents, trapped compassions, unknown desires, and untapped knowledge. He alone knows what this life He has given me is really for. I do not believe that our lives are a game to God. I do not believe that we are His pawns to see what He can do to us, to see how far He can push us until we crack. Ultimately our goal in this earthly life is Heaven. But I don't really think that our lives here on earth are a test as I have heard people say before. That sounds to me like God is toying with us and I know that He is not. Now that is not to say that God doesn't test us from time to time. He does, but there is much more to our lives than that. We are here for a grand purpose. We are given situations and experiences that make us who we need to be to serve our Master in a more selfless way.

My life on this earth is not over, not by a long shot I hope. And I look forward with anticipation to see what else God will do in my life to set me apart. I look forward to seeing how I will be refined for His purpose. I welcome whatever else God sees fit to add to my job description. Bring it on! I'm ready! And for the times when I am not ready, that is when He will show Himself to me in ways I never could have imagined.

Nonsense

I used to write poetry in intermediate and high school. Most of it was goofy about the woe is me of relationship type stuff. Anyway, I've been trying to find this book that I wrote some of them down in and I finally came across it. One of the poems that I wrote in high school is kind of cool. It really doesn't mean much of anything so don't try to find or create some hidden meaning in it. I was just in history class one day bored and not paying attention and started writing some stuff down that sounded cool together. I was just kind of looking around the room and writing what came to me. There was a flag in the room, someone was wearing red shoes, someone was sleeping, etc. Anyway, here's a blast from my past. Remember as you read this, I was about 17.

They stole the path to Eden,
Believed in only you,
Pushed moons aside to make ammends,
And stole the souls of many men.
Lesser the lives are almost crossed,
Liars live in fear,
The flag waves under the blue beyond,
In my little world I wish you lived.
The steps on the front of the house are chipped,
Red shoes of time are growing still beneath the rows of linen sheets,
And little hands make brown doors creak,
While the wind sleeps slowly in my mind.

Saxophone shaped void

I used to play the saxophone. I started out on Alto Sax in 6th grade and played Alto until my sophomore year of highschool when I switched to Tenor. I played Tenor Sax through three years of college in jazz band and concert band as well as a little combo at Brazosport College called The Coasters (super cheesy group by the way).

I was not spectacular, but I was good enough. I enjoyed it and for many years being a "saxophone player" was very much a part of who I was. I know that's stupid to identify with an object, but some of you can probably relate in one way or another. Anyway, I had a really nice horn. A pro model Yamaha that cost quite a bit of money, more money than probably should have been spent. But after Jack was born, we had to sell it. I didn't want to but we were struggling financially as so many young couples do and it seemed silly to keep it. Phillip had to do the act of selling it because I would not have been able to do it without becoming a blubbering mess in public. To part with that piece of metal was truly heartbreaking.

I hope to get another one someday. I'll never be able to afford the kind of horn I had, but I'm thinking I'd like to get an old vintage one that needs some work. I need one with character. I need one with some dings and scrapes. I need one that has been used for longer than it was intended and have it restored back to a functional existance. I don't think I could identify with a beautiful brand new instrument anymore. It would feel good to play again someday.

Celebrity Baby Naming Catastrophes

When you name a child, I think there are a few things you should have in mind.

1. Does it sound nice?
2. Does it have a flattering meaning?
3. Will the kid be made fun of because of this name?
4. Will he resent you the REST OF HIS LIFE because of the name you chose?

Ok, with that in mind, here are some names that some celebrities have chosen for their offspring.

Penn of Penn & Teller - Moxie Crimefighter Jillette
Jason Lee - Pilot Inspektor (yes, that's Inspektor, not Inspector)
Shannyn Sossamon of "A Knight's Tale" - Audioscience
Rachel Griffith of "Six Feet Under" - Banjo

It's a good thing that these chldren are all rich and can basically "buy" the friendships of others.

Embrace

Verb. To clasp or hold firmly with the arms; to cling to; to surround or enclose; to take up willingly or eagerly; to accept or submit to

Embrace your life, but know that it is not yours.
Embrace your husband, but give him room to breathe.
Embrace your children, but let them learn to fall.
Embrace your pain, but let it wither.
Embrace your joy, but know that it may be paired with grief.
Embrace your talent, but recognize who gave it to you.
Embrace your faults, but be eager to improve.
Embrace God and He will embrace the rest.

My child is Nuts!

Jackson came into the kitchen yesterday very proud of himself. He had somehow stuck his little Pooh figurine and his Tigger figurine together. Tigger's arms were sort of stuck between the legs of the Pooh figurine. Anyway, he said, "Look at this. Tigger's holding on to Pooh's boulders!" I'll let you figure out what "boulders" are.

Memorial Service: part 2

We had the memorial service today for the babies. Phillip, Kristin, and I did the music for it. It was tough. But God showed up and I believe lives were blessed. Tommy and my father-in-law spoke. To have people that we love and that love us participate in this part of our lives is an amazing thing. I believe the great joys and sorrows of life are what build relationships and I'm so grateful to have so many people willing to share in this sorrow with us. I would like to share something with you that I wrote to our babies. Tommy read this today at the service because I would not have been able to do it.


You are the one we lost first. You seem lost to me more than the others. I never heard your heartbeat but I know that it beat just the same. You were a surprise that we didn’t feel ready for. I cried when I found out you were coming and I cried much more when I found out you were not. But our anticipation turned into excitement. Our fear turned to longing. We didn’t know how badly we wanted you until you were gone. You taught me to accept things we cannot change.

You were the child we planned on having. The timing was right and we were very excited. We lost you a week before Christmas, a week before the snow. The snow covered the pain for a little while, but eventually melted away. We found out after we lost you that you were a little girl. Would you have been Daddy’s girl? Would you have been the princess of our house? I would have braided your hair and your brother would have pulled it. You taught me that God will find us in the pit of despair and give us joy where we didn’t know joy could exist.

Evan, you were another sweet surprise. We were scared from the beginning that we would never get to hold you. We thought we were losing you many times before we finally did. But you were strong and your precious heartbeat filled us with hope time and time again. So many people fought to save your life. We did get to hold you, but it was before we wanted to. I will never forget how beautiful you were. In you we find some of our sweetest and most heartbreaking memories. You were so very wanted. You taught us that God shows His love through people. You taught us that God is a masterful Creator. And you taught us that we don’t have to understand God to know God.

All of you briefly came into our lives and changed us forever. Your impact was great even though your lives on this earth were so short lived. I am grateful for each one of you. I have no regrets.


To those of you who came, thank you. To those of you who prayed, thank you. We know that we are loved.

Memorial Service

Phillip and I have decided to have a joint Memorial Service for the three babies we have lost in the last 15 months. We need some closure on this whole chapter in our lives and we felt this was the best way for us to achieve that. We will be having a short and casual Service on Saturday, July 9th @11:30 @ The Pregnancy Help Center. The address is 327 Garland Drive in Lake Jackson. Anyone who is interested in coming is more than welcome.

I just wanna dance!

I think Phillip and I should look into taking dancing lessons. Like swing dancing or ballroom dancing or something, or just learn how to do the box step for goodness sake. I suggested it to him and he pretty much shot it down immediately. Doesn't he know this could earn him muffin points!? Duh!! (If you don't know about muffins, sorry. It's a BPF thing.) So this is to Phillip and anyone else who needs to hear it... GET OUT OF YOUR BOX!!

Call me "Red"

Last night, for the first time in my life, I colored my hair. Well, actually a friend of mine did it for me, but you see what I'm saying. I have been wanting to go auburn for probably a couple of years or more. But I've been too chicken to actually do it. I'm kind of undecided about how I feel about it. It turned out a little more orangey than I had hoped. I'm planning on getting it cut tomorrow, so if you see Phillip with some red headed woman with shorter hair, don't worry, it's probably me. Well, hopefully it's me. Maybe I'll post a picture tomorrow after I get it cut.

In the closet?

I have decided to lighten things up a bit concerning the content of my blog. Occasionally you may still find things of a serious nature, but I can only be so serious for so long. That warning given, I'll continue with one of my latest observations.

I believe ( no proof) that one certain famous scientologist actor, who shall remain nameless, needs to come out of his enormous walk-in-closet. Most of the world considers him a georgeous hunk of a man who can have any woman he wants, even one certain very young Dawson's Creek actress, who shall also remain namesless. I believe his womanizing is all a coverup for a secret that he doesn't want anyone to know. Well, bad news for you Mr., I got you figured out. Some day, he'll slip and everyone else will know it too. And when that happens just remember where you heard it first. Well, I gotta cruise, so I'll catch back up with you later. Thanks for reading.