Moms like me

Today I was watching one of the many shows that come on t.v. about pregnancy and having a baby. These shows are all basically the same with a few different "twists." Anyway, today this show was about a couple who struggled for years with infertility and were finally expecting their long-awaited child. The beautiful expectant mother said (with tears in her eyes) "You'll never hear me complain about waking up in the middle of the night. I've had many sleepless nights crying because I didn't have a baby. You'll never hear me complain." And I truly think at that moment she meant every word. And I just thought, "Oh sweetie, you have to allow yourself to be human or you are going to feel so much guilt down the road."

Being a mom is a hard job, everybody knows that. But I think there's an added element of responsibility if your child is the long-awaited-prayed for-glorious gift from God that you've always wanted. I've talked to lots of moms in the last few years who have had problems having children. And several of them feel such enormous guilt at how frustrated they get with these kids they have so longed for.

It's like they put this child in your arms and at that moment he is just the most perfect thing ever created and you hear trumpets and sunbeams from heaven come down and envelope you and all this stuff....and.....then.....he.....just.....becomes.....your........kid. And the things that you day dreamed about become your everyday reality and it's just not so pretty or cute anymore. And you find all the things about him endearing, just not all the time.

Sometimes moms like myself, who have had a hard time having kids, feel like we have to put forth this aura of jubilee all the time. Like we have to love our kids a little more than "other" moms. Like we have to consider every whine and thrown toy and dirty diaper a blessed event to be treasured. But the truth is that we can't. And we don't. We're just moms and they're just our kids. And sometimes when we let our guard down around someone who knows our "situation" and complain or show our frustration people like to remind us how much we wanted that blessed child in the first place.

Both of our boys are miracles and the greatest gifts we have ever or will ever receive. But they are devious little creatures, and I am just their mom and I reserve the right to want to throw in the towel sometimes. I reserve the right to give a long sigh of relief when they're finally asleep or when we have dropped them off with the grandparents for some peace and quiet. I reserve the right to complain sometimes about how crazy they make me feel.

Because I know how treasured they are. And more importantly, they know how treasured they are.