October 2nd was the due date of the first baby we lost. That child would be turning a year old now. Would be walking. Getting into all kinds of trouble. Starting to talk.
On October 2nd, the due date of the first one, I found out I was pregnant with the second baby we lost. She made that a day of joy and excitement rather than a day of mourning.
And as Evan's due date approaches, I am feeling the dread come over me more and more. He was due on October 22. I want to sleep through that day. I don't want to have to write that date.
I want to sleep through October. I want to run away during October. October hurts. Octobers are going to hurt for a long long time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
Jenny, I can only say that I do understand and know how you feel. It is always harder when you hit a "first". Some things trigger more emotion than others and the birth dates seem to get me as well. I heard a song on the radio by Greenday (no I do not listen to them but it just happened as I was surfing channels during the evac from Rita) called, "Wake Me When September Ends". I posted a link to it on my site. It is so uncanny that he felt the same as you and I do. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and wish that I had some prophetic words to share with you but all that comes to mind is this...Be strong and of great courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with the withersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9
I can tell you that though it never gets better, it does get easier. We just made it through Sept. which is Ian's earthly and heavenly birthdates. I hate the month of Sept.
Keep your chin up and call if you need to talk.
Post a Comment