Yesterday evening I came across a couple of blogs that are written by Korean adoptees who are now adults. I've added one of the links to my blogs section.
I love her honesty about her feelings about being an international adoptee. And most of what I've read so far are not good feelings. I was reading on the Dillon Korean adoption forum and a couple women mentioned that they do not read her blog or blogs like hers because it is too upsetting or uncomfortable for them. This mindset blows my mind! Here, through the postings of this courageous and honest young woman, we can see the future thoughts of our children. We can see through her how they may feel someday about having been adopted from another country. We can see their views on their adoptive families and their adoptive country. It is scary to think about this stuff. But if we don't, we are doing our kids a huge disservice.
I realize that not every adoptee feels the way she feels exactly. But I'm sure most of them feel atleast to some degree the pain and anger she feels about having been taken from her birth country and sent to a place where she doesn't look like everyone else and is kind of expected to be something that she is not....caucasian. I will never know the pain of being adopted. But a person who I will love very much will know that pain and if I can somehow have some insight into it, maybe I'll be a better mother to that child.
One of the "plusses" to adopting from Korea is that you do not have to go there to get your child. It is one of the few countries where the child can be escorted to America. I really like this idea. That is more convenient for us. But, man, after reading some of her blog and really thinking about my child in terms of the adult that he/she will become someday, I'm really starting to reconsider using an escort. Phillip and I will be our child's primary advocate and if we don't go there and take pictures of his/her country, caregivers, home, etc., who will? It will be our responsibility to supply this child with as much information as we can get our hands on about his/her life prior to becoming part of our family. Some day my child will ask me why I didn't go to Korea. And I would have to say, "because it was not convenient at the time." I think that would be a very sad day.
I know that regardless of whether my children are biological or adopted, they will feel disappointed in us at some point in their lives. We will NOT do everything "right." I have no doubt that we will fail them miserably somewhere along the way. But we will do the best we can.
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2 comments:
Your consideration is impressive. I've know adoptees in white families all of my life. The response from the adoptee runs the gamut from "well adjusted" to "borderline sociopath." Just like families with traditional interaction/relationship.
I have an adopted cousin who is half black and half white. She once told me that she was confused all her life about who and what she was. But she always knew her parents loved her and that her family loved her.
I think it's you, Philip and Jack who will make the difference in the child's life, not the country they were born in.
Do you get the Baptist Standard? There was an article a few weeks ago about a white family with black children. It was really interesting and very well done.
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