Mother's Day Pledge

I will love you unconditionally.

I will love your daddy more than any other person on this planet.
I will love myself so that I will not resent the other people I love.
I will try to teach you the things God is teaching me.
I will notice and point out when you do good things.
I will teach you to respect women.
I will always try to see you for who you are and not just who I want you to be.
I will pick my battles.
I will fight for you if you are not able to fight for yourself.
I will hug and kiss you not matter how big you get.
I will be safe to talk to.

I will not let you get away with being lazy.
I will not let you be one of those kids that adults dread to be around.
I will not let you take advantage of people.
I will not foster in you a sense of entitlement.
I will not always be there to catch you.
I will not let you be a quitter.
I will not do things for you that you are capable of doing yourself.
I will not let you lie your way out of trouble.
I will not be your friend.
I will not be a pushover.

I will not be perfect.

Change of Plans

You've probably read previous posts on this blog about our plans to adopt from Korea. Phillip and I are now seriously reconsidering that plan. I have had some feelings of doubt lately about if this is really the right thing for us to do.

I called a friend of mine the other day who works for CPS to see if she could give me any kind of information. We just wanted to atleast look at some other options before we get too commited with Dillon International. I kind of thought that she could confirm my thoughts that trying to adopt through CPS was not the best thing for us. But much to my surprise, we have come to realize that it just might be the best thing for us.

I spoke with a lady who works at The Arrow Project, which is an agency in Angleton that places kids through CPS. She told me that there are many healthy newborn infants that come through their agency that need permanent homes. The child would start out as a foster child then after six months, we could move to adopt. It is a little more risky because there is always a chance that a member of the birth family could want to reclaim the baby. And that is a little scary. But they do not place infants with families wanting to adopt unless they feel as sure as they can that they will not be reclaimed by birth families. It is very sad but many of these babies are abandoned and no one in their biological families can take care of them. It sounds like this process could move rather quickly if we decide to go in this direction. She told me that if we will adopt a child of a mixed race that we could have a newborn straight from the hospital and that the wait would not be very long at all. Also, there is absolutely no cost to us.

It all seems to good to be true. We have not burned any bridges yet with Dillon International, but we are really starting to feel excited about this change of plan. It is very possible that we could have a new baby as soon as the end of the summer. We are going to an orientation meeting early in June and we'll just see where we go from there.

If you're reading this, thanks Pennie.

That's sick

I went into the playroom today to pick up a few things and I saw this:



Elmo chopping on a large helping of Nina Turtle.

Bubbles

Josh and Ashley got Jackson some giant bubble wand thing for his birthday. It's pretty cool. I took a few pictures but most of them didn't turn out very well. Jack was popping the dang things before they were barely in the air.

Party Pictures

Here are a few pictures from Jackson's birthday party. We had a good turnout. I ordered 20 pizzas and gave about 7 or 8 of them away. He had a good time and got lots and lots of stuff.

Jackson couldn't seem to make up his mind what he wanted the "theme" of his party to be so we decided on "Jackson's favorite things." I think the cake turned out pretty cool.

Jackson got a kick out of Yoda having icing on his feet.

Jackson got really mad because he wanted to take a big bite directly out of the cake and I wouldn't let him. It took mean ol' Nanna to hold him back. I like Kylie's face in this picture. She looks shocked at his horrible behavior. And so was I.

Flash Back

Tomorrow our baby will be four years old. Everyone told me that it will fly by and it really has.

He and I had a conversation the other day about him getting older. He said, "After I'm four then I'll be five and then six and then seven and then eight...." And I said, "Well, I don't want to think about that. I want you to just stay little." And he said, "But Mom, that's just the way it is. People just have to get bigger."

In some ways it seems like he has been here my whole life. So in honor of his birthday, here are a few pictures of Jackson when he was new to this world. I'm sure I'll be posting birthday party pictures tomorrow evening.

Birthday Party Plans

It looks like the rain is not going to stop....




So we're moving Jackson's birthday party to tomorrow afternoon. I e-mailed some of you that are coming but I thought I would put the info. here too just in case. We will be having it at the Shy Pond south pavilion at 12:30. I will get things ready during the second church service so hopefully people can come right over after church.

I think I left a lung at work

I've been coughing my head off today. It has gotten really bad in the last couple of hours. It's driving me crazy. I'm popping halls throat drops one after the other. I read on the package a little while ago that excess consumption may have a laxative effect. Great! That's just what I need.

Side note: Jackson's 4th birthday party is scheduled for tomorrow...outside. There is a 60% chance of rain tomorrow. No back up plan by the way. We would just have to cancel.

Adoption App. Part II

We received our formal appication or Application Part II from Dillon International today. Just for those of you who may be curious how extensive the process is, here are just some of the things we have to send in with our completed application.

- 3-4 page autobiography written by both adoptive parents including significant life experiences
- Medical forms on each family member
- Photographs of our family, and pictures of the inside and outside of our home
- Copy of birth certificates/marriage licence
- Last year's 1040 Tax form
- Financial statement
- Copy of last three months bank statements
- Letter from employer stating length of employment, security of position, and salary

We will also have to think of 4 people (couples) that we've known for atleast two years who we trust enough to write reference letters for us. Hmmm...who have I not made too mad in the last two years....just kidding (sort of). We will also have to be fingerprinted within Brazoria County. I think initially they run a local maybe statewide background check and then further down the road they run a national background check. Good thing I've never been in the back of a Police car....except for that one time at the preschool when the L.J. police came to show the kiddos all their cop stuff. We also have to sign a form stating that we will not use physical discipline. Jackson doesn't get spanked very often, but he does sometimes. So, I guess we'll have to think of some other disciplinary tactics to use....sorry James Dobson.

Once this is complete and approved, we will be able to begin the Home Study process. Once we have an approved Home Study, we will be placed on a waiting list. The wait from that point for the referral is 8-10 months. There is usually a 3 month wait from the time of referral to the time those little feet land on U.S. soil.

This process will certainly not be easy. And it shouldn't be easy. I hope we're up for it.

Go Ahead

Go ahead. Scrutinize. Take a look at me through a microscope. I can tell you what you will find.

You would find that I am...

A friend and an enemy
I am fearless and terrified
I am meek and vicious
I am arrogant and humble
I am devious and honest
I am amusing and subdued
I am beautiful and I am ugly

I am all these things and more. I go through daily mental gymnastics to think, say, and do the things that are pleasing to my Creator. I am a slice of humanity. I am so far from perfect that I have a difficult time imagining what perfect looks like. But I am adored because of and inspite of all the things that make me who I am. I am adored by God even though He sees the filth that dwells in me. So examine what you perceive to be my life. I don't mind. He is who I answer to. He is who I seek to please.

The Crud is Worse

My sinus junk cleared up long enough for me to be able to sing fairly well today and then came back with a vengeance. Ok, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I definitely feel worse now that I did Friday or Saturday. I went from being pretty plugged up to being able to breathe out of both nostrils this morning. And by this afternoon I was totally plugged up again. I'm sure God (hopefully) doesn't think like this, but it's like He's saying, "Ok, you did this thing for me that I wanted you to do and now that you're done with it you can go back to feeling terrible." So, whatever, that's fine. I've felt a heck of a lot worse than this in my life. I'm just glad that it went away long enough for me to do what needed to be done.

By the way, I think things went pretty well this morning with the music stuff at church. I was pretty iffy on some things during sound check but it all came together pretty well. Usually when I sing serveral songs, I make a couple of little or not so little mistakes. And I don't think I did anything too weird today. I had fun and I enjoyed being able to breathe out of my nose for a few hours.

"unchurched"

Can't sleep. Sick of trying.

My almost four year old son and this throat crud are keeping me awake. Also, I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about things that are troubling me.


If you are considered "unchurched" or "seeker" what would it take for you to no longer be considered that? And do you like those terms for yourself? Do you dislike being categorized? Do you hate it when "church people" put labels on you?

If you are someone who does not consider yourself a Christian, or if you are someone who has zero interest in "attending" a church at all, why is that? I don't even know if any "unchurched" people read this blog and that also is troubling to me.

What would your ideal church look like? What could that church be to enrich your life? What would it take for you to commit to Christ and to a body of believers? Do you know? I don't even know if I'm asking the right questions.

I don't really care to hear my "churched" friends' answers on this. I know many of the "right" answers myself. But I would really like to hear from those of you who fall into the category of "unchurched." I'll allow anonymous posts for a few days just incase that's an issue. I am asking for real honesty. I will not allow anyone to make light of or poke fun at any of the responses that are given. Any jerk comments will be deleted.

There may not even be any comments and that's cool too. Whatever. I'm just throwing this out there. I am genuinely curious. I'm more than curious. I need to know.


Our son is sleeping with us tonight. He woke me up struggling to find the right corner of his blanket. While asleep he lay there pulling his fingers around the edges of his blanket trying to find jus the right spot so he could relax. There's a certain spot that is worn just right. It took him several minutes. He struggled quietly for literally several minutes trying to find it. I could have found it for him. I know where it is. But I wanted to marvel at the struggle. He finally found it. I knew that he would. He rubbed that corner on his face and his arm and found immediate rest and peace. He didn't even consciously know what he was looking for or that he was looking for anything at all.

The crud

I started feeling a little sickly this morning and it has progressed as the day has passed. I'm having sinus pain and drainage (yummy) and I have a bit of a sore throat. I have certainly felt worse, much worse. But I'm singing on Sunday so I'm a little concerned. If it doesn't get too much worse it will be fine. Usually I get over things pretty quickly. Anyway, it's 10:30 and I'm taking some drugs and going to bed, which is pretty early for me. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe my voice will sound a little less "pretty" on Sunday.

Father, Son, and Cheap Kites

We went to the park this evening to try out some kites that I bought for Jack's birthday party. I spent $20.00 on the crappiest kites on the planet. We had a good laugh. And we took some pictures. Phillip took some of me trying to get the stupid kite to fly. I don't think he'll be posting those.

Singing and stuff

I'm singing this weekend with our band at church and I'm really excited about it. I'll be leading out on three or four songs. It sounds silly, but I'm already looking forward to it like a kid looks forward to Christmas morning. And hopefully, if it goes well, I'll feel pretty energized for several days afterward.

This is far different that I felt when I first started singing publically. Unlike most people that sing, I didn't even know that I could sing until I was in my early 20's. I think I was 22 or 23 the first time I ever sang alone with a microphone. And I was scared to death. Before I would get up to sing back then I would get so nervous I would make myself sick. But as soon as I picked up the mic and started singing everything was fine. That is until I sat back down afterward and my hands would usually sweat and shake like crazy.

Since then I've sung publically many times. But I've probably only actually led worship under 20 times. We've had the opportunity lately and hopefully will continue to have the opportunity to lead at some small start up churches. And that is really cool. It's so low pressure and a lot of fun. Most of the times that I have led worship I have been relieved when it was over and have thought, "I'm never doing that again." But lately, I'm getting more and more comfortable with doing it. And I think the more I do it, the better I'm getting at it. I'm getting more relaxed and more genuine. There have been a couple of times lately when I've thought afterward, "This is what I am meant to do. This is what I'm here for." And to have those thoughts in a lifetime of uncertainty about purpose is really cool.

I have no idea what God is going to do with Phillip and me. I'm seeing an evolution taking place in us and it will be neat to see where it goes.

Coins in a Fountain

I took these a couple of weeks ago at our (lame) mall. I thought they turned out kind of cool.

Uncomfortable Truth

I've been reading a book entitled Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib by a guy named Jaiya John. It is his memoir of being a black child growing up in a white family and community. I like the book a lot. He's very descriptive in his writing. His perspective on white views about people of other races is quite unique. He is able to see things from so many different perspectives. He talks about how the people in his family and community loved him as an individual. But those same people who loved him had some negative views about black people as a whole. He just discusses how paradoxical this was to him growing up. He talks about how desperately he wanted people to really see him. To see his "essence." He felt like people overlooked his race in order to love him.

I'm reading it not because we are planning on adopting a black child, though I would not be at all opposed to doing that. I'm reading it because we are planning on adopting a child of another race and nationality and I thought this book might give me some insight. Reading this has really made me stop and think about what kinds of sterotypes I hold. I know I have them. Not all of them are negative sterotypes and not all of them are racially motivated. Just to judge an entire race, gender, people group of one kind or another based solely on my opinions is seriously not right. We all do it in one way or another. How do we shake these views? How do I train my brain to stop judging people based on whatever it may be...race, age, clothes, education, denomination, etc.?

There are poems that begin each chapter. I suppose they are written by the author of the book but I'm not sure. This is one that really made an impression on me. His friends loved him. He was their "token black friend." Have we had some token friends of one kind or another that we use to convince ourselves that we "love" all people "like" them? I have.

Dance for us
joke for us
run fast for us
make funny faces for us
stick pencils in your 'fro for us
be a 'bro for us
sing for us
scat for us
swing the bat for us
dunk for us
beat that punk for us
grin for us
get drunk on gin for us

just don't remind us
about the back of the bus
be like us
be like us

Book Deal? Most Likely Not

I have been writing a lot over the last couple of years. I've been writing on this blog, in various journals, and just for the heck of it. Writing helps me to organize my thoughts. It also forces me to open up about things I don't always talk about. Anyway, I've thought for some time about trying my hand at writing a book or something. I've had some encouragement about my writing from various people. I'm seriously NOT fishing for compliments here, just saying what I'm thinking about. So anyway, I began the other night what I hope will become something worth reading. I'm not exactly sure where it will go but I have some ideas. I may post some of the stuff I'm working on sometime. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say, "I'm writing a book." I'm not expecting anything to come of it. But I think if nothing else, it will be good for me to write through some stuff.

FYI: I'm not always good at following through with things. Here are some examples of some other things I have tried and eventually quit doing.
1. playing guitar
2. whittling wood (I have a whittling set and books on whittling)
3. running
4. walking
5. learning Spanish
6. harmonica??
7. being stylish

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there are many more.

Star Wars Eggs Follow-up

Here are a couple of pictures of Jackson with his Star Wars eggs from Easter. I threw them away the next day and he could not believe that I did that! I really don't know if he'll ever get over it.

Behold the Power....

I love cheese. I love food with cheese in it. I love cheetos. I even like velveeta (cheese product) with rotel and chips. Cheddar, Ricotta, Feta, Parmesan, all quite nice. Cheesy food is good and I certainly enjoy it.

But the thing about cheese it that you can sometimes go overboard with it. One time I made pork chops stuffed with cheese, peppers, and bread crumbs. It was a great recipe. I decided that you can never have too much cheese in something so I put more cheese in the pork chops than it called for. The cheese made the stuffing too soft and melty and it didn't stay in the pork chops. It melted out everywhere ruining my pork chops and really messing up my pan. It was a disaster. It was such a disaster that I haven't wanted to try that recipe again even though the recipe itself is fine, it is what I did to it that made it fail miserably.

Too much cheese can ruin an otherwise good thing. Beware of the power of cheese.